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Tuesday Jun 25 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

President Obama gave a big speech on climate change. He believes global warming is getting worse because apparently he's sweating a lot more during his second term.

In an interview, Pat Buchanan predicted that the inflow of Hispanics from the immigration bill will break the U.S. into two countries with different cultures and different languages. Of course, as a resident of Los Angeles, I can't imagine what that would be like.

Tourism officials in Paris have launched a campaign to make Paris friendlier to tourists. First step? Kick out the French.

Obesity has now been declared a disease. How hard is that for a doctor to diagnose?

Conan

Paula Deen got in trouble for racist comments. Now people are coming to her defense. Her son defending his mother saying, "She has a good heart." He added, "Or she will if she ever stops eating her own food."

The annual Paula Deen cruise — I didn't even know there was such a thing — has not been canceled and they've even added another cruise ship. Each cruise ship can hold up to seven Paula Deen fans.

They have to space the seven Paula Deen fans out evenly, though. They can't rush to one side of the boat.

Apple's new operating system lets users give Siri a male-sounding voice. The sad part is that every time you ask him a question, he says, "Let me ask my wife" and then it's right back to the female voice.

Late Show with David Letterman

New York City now offers free pedestrian maps. They are clear, helpful, and easy to read. Every map will even show you how to get to the Ecuadorian embassy.

I went up to one of those maps — this was really spooky — and it said "You are here." And I said to myself, "How did it know?"

Americans, according to a new study, hate their jobs. They are unproductive and disengaged. I was hoping to have a joke on this topic but my writers are unproductive and disengaged.

You folks know anything about climate change? I used to know a little bit about it but I don't care anymore. There's nothing we can do about it. But on the bright side, I've got a closet full of short-sleeved shirts I don't otherwise get to wear.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Kanye West said today that he considers himself an intellectual. I think he's right. How can you not be when you spend all day surrounded by the Kardashians? Of course you're going to look like an intellectual.

Edward Snowden is the guy who leaked information about our government's spy program. Some say Snowden's a hero. Some say he's a traitor. People can't seem to agree. The only thing we can all agree on is North West is a horrible name for a baby.

Here's what we know about Snowden. Snowden revealed secrets and then flew to Hong Kong. Then he flew to Moscow. It's not difficult getting a flight from Hong Kong to Moscow. Just go to Evil Villain Airways.

 
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