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Friday Jun 21 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

What a bad week for the stock market. Yesterday was so bad the numbers looked worse than a Paula Deen talk show on the BET network.

Stocks are dropping like a Super Bowl ring into Vladimir Putin's pocket. That is how bad it was.

The Los Angeles City Council has voted to ban plastic bags. But, they're going to keep the traditional brown bag. That way Dodgers fans will have something to put over their heads.

The Consumer Protection Agency has recalled 96,000 Jeep Liberty baby strollers because there is a problem with the tires blowing out. How fat are our kids getting when they're blowing out tires on their baby strollers?

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

"World War Z" is out today. The big zombie movie. The trailer looks scary. You see hordes of bodies climbing and rolling over each other. It's like Black Friday at the mall.

Brad Pitt plays a man fighting against a terrifying gang of mindless creatures that keep on coming day and night, no matter what. He trained for the role by having six children.

Last week I got freaked out by the possibility of a zombie apocalypse. I even wrote an email to President Obama about it. Well, the email wasn't actually to him. I'm just assuming he read it.

This "World War Z" movie has fast zombies. That's not fair. It's like if Dracula suddenly had a machine gun.

"World War Z" took a long time to film. It had to undergo a couple of rounds of "reshoots." In the original version, instead of zombies, it was cats. But that was too scary for everybody.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

It was just announced that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have named their daughter North West. Or as Southwest Airlines put it, “Please don't have a second child.”

Congrats to the Miami Heat, who won their second straight NBA title last night. LeBron James was named MVP after scoring 37 points in Game 7. LeBron told his teammates he couldn’t have done it without them — which would be easier to believe if he hadn’t literally done it without them.

Mitt Romney’s former campaign manager has launched a super PAC to stop Hillary Clinton from becoming president. It makes sense because if there's one thing Romney's campaign manager is good at, it's stopping someone from becoming president.

A company in Japan has a new watch with a built-in breathalyzer that can tell you if you’re drunk. It would probably work better if the watch didn't always list the time as “5 o'clock somewhere.”

 
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