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Wednesday Jun 19 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

President Obama's approval rating has dropped eight points over the past month, down to 45 percent, his lowest rating in over a year. Obama's vowing to find out whose approval he's lost, track them down using their email and phone records, and personally win them back.

The latest search for Jimmy Hoffa has been called off. The FBI now says they called off the search because the NSA said it would be too difficult to find Jimmy Hoffa because he hasn't made a phone call since 1975.

In Xalapa, Mexico, a cat named Morris is running for mayor. Do you know the difference between a cat and a politician? Cats don't pretend to care about you.

Iran has elected a new president named Hassan Rohani. Rohani has promised to improve Iran's economy and fix the unemployment problem. If that doesn't work, he's going to blame the whole thing on President Bush.

Late Show with David Letterman

President Obama was in Germany today and made a historic speech. The reason Obama is in Germany is to promote democracy and to rescue Justin Bieber's monkey.

Germany is mad at the United States for the NSA eavesdropping. This, ladies and gentlemen, from the country that gave us the Gestapo.

It's a beautiful day in New York City. It's 77 and sunny, like Martha Stewart.

Have you seen the new Superman movie? The final battle scene between Superman and the evil General Zod is like nothing I've ever seen before except for every other super-hero movie.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I'm outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women?

President Obama is in Berlin, Germany. It was 97 degrees in Berlin today. I haven't seen Obama sweat like that since, well, yesterday. And the day before that. All this week, in fact.

During the cold war, West Berlin was an "exclave" — a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush it. It was like Austin, Texas.

President Obama is trying to get Vladimir Putin to scale back Russia's nuclear arsenal. But it's not a good time. Putin just got a divorce. He just lost half his stuff. And his wife gets to use the Kremlin on weekends.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

This spying scandal at the White House isn’t going away. In fact, it was just announced that President Obama will meet a group of regular Americans to hear their concerns about the White House surveillance program. Or more accurately, to RE-HEAR them.

Men’s Wearhouse founder and spokesman George Zimmer has been fired after 40 years with the company. I don't know about you, but I do NOT like the way this looks.

A new survey found that 70 percent of Americans admit to “going through the motions” at their jobs. And the other 30 percent blah, blah, blah, punch line.

NASA is challenging Americans to help them figure out a better way to find threatening asteroids. Americans said, “What do we get if you pick our idea?” And NASA said, “To live.”

 
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