It is Memorial Day, when we honor men and women who've defended this country. To them I say thank you. And every year we as Americans celebrate Memorial Day the best way we know how. By having sales at mattress stores and car dealerships.
A lot of Americans got a three-day weekend. Not this American. I've been a citizen for five years. How long before I get the day off?
The only way I can get a day off is if I somehow pre-taped a show. But I just wouldn't do that.
You know who gets the day off? Jay Leno. He's about to get a lot of days off.
I probably shouldn't joke about that. Jay Leno might end up hosting this show.