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Monday Apr 29 2013

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Washington Wizards center Jason Collins has become the first American athlete in a major team sport to come out as gay. Do you know what a breakthrough this is? Finally an NBA player who won’t have any illegitimate kids.

Collins said it was not a tough decision to tell people that he’s gay. He said it’s easier than telling people he plays for the Washington Wizards. That’s the hard part.

I had a birthday over the weekend. I turned 63. That is an awkward age. It’s too old for NBC, but it’s still too young to play for the Lakers.

According to a new study, fatty foods can boost your memory. Eating junk food can make your memory better. There was a similar study done five years ago. It was April 17, 2008, at 2 p.m. on a Wednesday. I remember it was drizzling. I had a dark suit with a yellow tie. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Conan

Today Jason Collins, center for the Washington Wizards, announced he is gay. He said, “I don't know what's been tougher on my family, announcing I'm gay or announcing that I play for the Washington Wizards."

The founder of the 99 Cent Stores died. The family asked in lieu of flowers, donations be made to everyone who shops at the 99 Cent Store.

Supreme Court Justice Steven Breyer had shoulder surgery for an injury after he fell off his bike. It happened when the justice drifted a little too far to the left.

In a new interview, Mike Tyson revealed his ex-girlfriend cooked and ate his pet pigeon right in front of him. Tyson said she also had a dark side.

Late Show with David Letterman

The Tim Tebow era lasted about 16 games. The Jets fired him. He was so angry he picked up his helmet and he threw it. It went about 10 yards.

The 99 Cent Store founder passed away. He would still be alive if he hadn't gone to a 99 cent doctor.

Congratulations to Gwyneth Paltrow. She’s the most beautiful woman alive, according to People magazine. I thought to myself, “Wow. Thank god, finally some hope for good-looking, thin blondes.”

Gwyneth, by the way, still has to be confirmed by Congress.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Jason Collins is the first athlete in a major U.S. sport to announce he's gay. He's a free-agent now, but his last team was the Washington Wizards. He's not the first openly gay wizard. That trail was blazed by Dumbledore.

So far the reaction from fans and teammates has been nothing but positive. Why shouldn't it be? Jason Collins has nothing to be ashamed of. It's not like he plays for the Lakers.

The positive reaction to Jason’s announcement is a great sign. It shows us that NBA fans are ready to embrace diversity. And they really want to concentrate on what unites them — hating the Miami Heat.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Jason Collins became the first active athlete from a major American sport to come out of the closet. He wrote an article in Sports Illustrated. He said, “I'm a 34-year-old NBA center, I'm black, and I'm gay. For those who don't follow sports, this is like a contestant on “Project Runway” coming out as straight.

Here's a disturbing bit of progress. Microsoft is allowing video gamers to order pizza directly from their Xbox. Previously they had to yell for their mom to make them a sandwich.

Thanks to the new pizza app, you can place an order using your controller. Please don't tell Michelle Obama about this.

Xbox will not stop until humans and couches become one.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Washington Wizards center Jason Collins just came out of the closet, making him the first pro athlete in a major sport to be openly gay — while the first openly gay wizard is still Dumbledore.

Collins is getting credit for being the first openly gay pro athlete. Or as Martina Navratilova put it, “Hello!”

Tim Tebow was officially released from the New York Jets. So I guess all that praying finally paid off.

Gary Busey is on tonight’s show. This will be one of the few interviews where I finish with more questions than I started with.

 
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