Monday Apr 22 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

We were going to have Reese Witherspoon on the show tonight but she’s been booked elsewhere.

Oscar-winner Reese Witherspoon got arrested for disorderly conduct after she gave police a hard time for arresting her husband for DUI. She admitted that she had been drinking. She kept saying to the cop, “Do you know who I am?” Of course the cops put two and two together: actress, drunk . . . Lindsay Lohan?

Today is also Earth Day; NBC put green light bulbs in because it’s Earth Day. What a tremendous contribution they’ve made to Earth Day.

Scientists have discovered that the feeling that you're being watched is hardwired into our brains. In fact, the only people who don't have the feeling of being watched are on prime time here at NBC.

Late Show with David Letterman

It's Earth Day, and because of Earth Day tonight it's all recycled material.

Not only that, but we're also using a solar-powered applause sign.

A new study says people who are entertainers die younger. Yeah, let me tell you something — you try working one hour a day.

On the other hand, you have a guy like Regis Philbin who is almost 90, but technically not an entertainer.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

There are rumors that Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are back together. I just want that adorable little girl to be happy again. Maybe Selena can get something out of it, too.

It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.

In honor of Earth Day, tonight's program will be made up of 100 percent recycled jokes.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Happy Earth Day. Did you know there are Earth Day greeting cards? There is no better way to celebrate Earth Day than chopping down trees to make cards.

Reese Witherspoon got into trouble. She was arrested for disorderly conduct. She asked the cop, “Do you know my name?” Does that ever work? The answer is either “No,” which is embarrassing or it's “Yes, I do, and you're going to jail.”

Reese released a statement saying she is deeply embarrassed and clearly had one drink too many. But that's Earth Day for you. People just get hammered.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries have finalized their divorce, and they did it two weeks before they were scheduled to go to trial. Even their divorce ended before it really started.

Kim said it's nice to finally not be married after over a year of sort of not being married.

NBC has canceled its reality dating show “Ready for Love” after just three episodes. Other NBC shows were like, “They made it to three episodes? What’s their secret?”

Viewers complained the show was complicated and confusing — marking the first time a dating show has been canceled for being exactly like dating.

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