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Thursday Apr 18 2013

Conan

TMZ is reporting that Sharon Osbourne is not going to reconcile with Ozzy Osbourne until he proves to her that he can stay sober. After hearing this, Ozzy said, "Who's Sharon Osbourne?"

Chicago has approved a $500 million renovation to the Chicago Cubs’ Wrigley Field. The upgrade will include a new video screen, enhanced lighting, and an entirely different baseball team.

Two rides at Disneyland have been temporarily shut down due to safety concerns. The most dangerous of these is probably “Mr. Toad's Wild Ride While Texting.”

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It is Superman's birthday today. Happy birthday, Superman! The first Superman comic came out this day in 1938. I spent today walking around with my underpants on the outside of my trousers. Then I found out it was Superman's birthday.

Star magazine had a poll. They named Gwyneth Paltrow the most hated celebrity in America. I said, “That is not fair. Come on! I'm sure other countries hate her too.”

Cupping is an ancient form of medicine. You put cups on the skin, heat them up, and it creates a suction. I'd never do the cupping thing. If someone approached me with a hot cup, it had better be full of hot soup — because I'm old, you see.

Cupping therapy is very popular here in Hollywood. It has been around for thousands of years so it must be very good. It is practically illegal to get old here. So why in Hollywood are old people shunned but old ideas embraced? It is because we are shallow.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The second and final week of Coachella starts tomorrow — all in celebration of White History Month.

For those of you who aren't familiar with Coachella, it's a big music festival in the California desert. If you didn't get tickets or if you're too far away, just get high and pass out in a dumpster behind Trader Joe’s. Just like being there.

Disney announced starting in 2015 that they're going to put out a new “Star Wars” movie every summer for the foreseeable future. Next up is “Star Wars episode 7,” followed by “Darth Vader, Mall Cop.”

After that will be “It's a Star Wars Movie, Just Give Us Your Money.”

 
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