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Thursday Apr 11 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Last night President Obama hosted Republican senators for dinner at the White House. The president said he had to do without salt, pepper, and butter — because as you know, the Republicans refuse to pass anything.

North Korean officials reportedly are planning a cyber attack on the U.S. in an effort to bring our economy to a halt. Nice try guys. You’re five years too late.

According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans would vote for Ronald Reagan for president right now over Barack Obama. In fact, in the last election 58 percent of the people in Florida DID vote for Ronald Reagan.

A long list of celebrities and musicians have signed a letter to President Obama asking him to ease the nation's drug enforcement policy. Hollywood celebrities and musicians want the president to ease our drug laws — it's always the people you least expect.

Conan

On Tuesday at the White House, President Obama sang with Justin Timberlake. It's being called the blackest thing President Obama has ever done.

A 14-year-old boy from China is the youngest golfer to ever compete in The Masters. During his round of golf today, the Chinese boy made two birdies, an eagle, and an iPad.

NASA announced a plan to lasso an asteroid and bring it closer to earth. This is according to the head of NASA — a 6-year-old boy.

DC Comics introduced its first-ever transgender character. The character is called "Wonder If It's a Woman."

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Donald Trump is going to be a grandfather. It’s true. That thing on his head is pregnant.

Trump’s daughter is pregnant. The thing on his head just lays eggs.

There are rumors that Fox may cancel "Glee" even though it still consistently does well in its time slot. This can mean only one thing: Fox is now run by NBC.

Nostalgia is big business. There's a lot of money to be made in crap that people used to care about. That's what makes me believe there is still hope for late-night television.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The Iranian government is claiming their scientists have developed a time machine. Maybe they're saying they figured out how to make a clock.

Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their textbooks. Let me save you some time. They're not.

The digital books create something called an engagement index that shows how often they open their book, which pages they read, and whether or not they skipped pages. That’s a great way to get kids to like books. Program the books to tattle on them.

We had a pretty effective way of getting kids to read books when I was a kid. It's called a quiz.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

The South Korean pop star Psy of "Gangnam Style” fame just announced that he'll release a new song tomorrow. As soon as they heard, North Korea said, “Now they’re really asking for it.”

The MTV Movie Awards are this Sunday, and Brad Pitt will be there to present the award for movie of the year. Brad says he can’t wait to look into a sea of young people and ask them to wish daddy good luck at the show.

I just saw that the Playboy Bunny house, which is across the street from Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion, is on the market for $11 million. You can tell it’s the Playboy Bunny house because it looks nice but there's nothing going on upstairs.

New York City is considering a law to ban people from wearing costumes in Times Square after a man dressed as the Cookie Monster shoved a little boy. In his defense, Cookie Monster said, “Boy not give up cookie.”

 
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