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Wednesday Mar 27 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Legendary singer Dionne Warwick filed for bankruptcy, claiming she has only $25,000 in assets but owes more than $10 million in unpaid taxes. She owes 400 times what she has. She could end up serving three years — as the White House budget director.

On Monday night the shows “The Voice” and “Revolution” moved NBC to the number two position in the ratings. You know what that means? Between Easter and Passover is truly the season of miracles.

T-Mobil announced yesterday that they are doing away with contracts. Apparently they got the idea from NBC.

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann is under investigation for alleged misuse of campaign funds. She's blaming the accusations on her arch nemesis: the facts.

Conan

A new poll shows that 64 percent of New Jersey residents don't care about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's weight. That's mostly because Chris Christie IS 64 percent of New Jersey.

Parts of the Berlin Wall have been removed despite a protest led by David Hasselhoff. Yeah, the thick, crumbling structure that didn't last very long in the 1990s said the wall shouldn't be removed.

A man has won an $8,000 settlement from Disneyland after he got stuck on their "It's a Small World" ride. The man said he'll use the money to cut out the part of his brain that won't stop playing "It's a Small World After All."

Late Show with David Letterman

Are you all ready for Easter? At my house every year I hide chocolate eggs for my son and later in the day he hides my heart medication.

Last year at Easter, Governor Chris Christie was rushed to the hospital. It was an emergency. It turned out he had an impacted peep.

Last year there was some trouble at the White House's Easter egg hunt. One kid looking for eggs turned up Obama's birth certificate.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Bruce Willis is with us tonight. If a terrorist tried to take this show hostage, they'd have a big surprise coming.

Today is the second day on which the Supreme Court heard arguments for and against same-sex marriage, commonly referred to as gay marriage, which is commonly referred to as the magic of Siegfried and Roy.

The current marriage act defines marriage as a union between one man and one impossible woman.

I hope they legalize gay marriage because I need to be alive when "Gay Divorce Court" hits the air. That's how I'll be spending my days.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday former CIA director David Petraeus apologized for having an affair with his biographer. He said he hopes this begins a new chapter in his life. It got awkward when he said, “Any of you ladies want to write it?”

A new survey found that the average American stays at his job for about four-and-a-half years. That is unless they're a late-night host on NBC.

Singer Dionne Warwick has filed for bankruptcy, and revealed that she owes $10 million in back taxes. She's angry with her accountants for the financial mess and even angrier at her psychics for not giving her a heads up.

In an effort to compete with Amazon, Wal-Mart is letting customers buy a product online and then pick it up in the store. The company says it's all the convenience of shopping online without any of the convenience of shopping online.

 
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