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Tuesday Mar 26 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

It was proposed this week that members of Congress use video conferencing and other remote technology to work from their home states instead of Washington. They figure they can get just as much “not done” at home as they get “not done” in Washington.

Pope Francis met former Pope Benedict over the weekend at a Vatican retreat. They spent the weekend in prayer trying to figure out exactly what marshmallow Peeps have to do with Easter.

A 17-year-old British teenager just sold an iPhone app he created to Yahoo for $30 million. His app takes news stories and condenses them down into just a a few short sentences so people can read them quicker. We already have that. It's called "USA Today."

Infectious disease experts are now warning people around the world to stay away from bats. Do you have to tell people that, really? You know which bats are not dangerous? The ones the Chicago Cubs use.

Conan

Some people traveled to Washington and paid as much as $6,000 to watch the Supreme Court's deliberations on gay marriage. Yeah, $6,000. Maybe that's why the Supreme Court launched its 41-city Monsters of Gay Marriage Deliberation Tour.

In Kentucky, a teenager was arrested for falsely yelling "Bingo" in a Bingo hall. It's being called the first-ever arrest that actually diminished someone's street cred.

Late Show with David Letterman

Happy birthday to retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. She's 83 years old today. And listen to this: In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court wished her a happy birthday.

They had the annual Passover observation at the White House, and as always the president pardoned a brisket.

The Sweet 16 starts tomorrow. I watch these college kids play basketball and I think to myself, "I hope they're not neglecting their school work."

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It is the birthday of poet Robert Frost. He once said that a poem begins as a lump in the throat. Maybe I don't understand the whole idea of metaphors and allegory, but if your poem starts as a lump in your throat, you should see a doctor.

I have mixed feelings about poetry. Not many are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some sort of official certification to perform or write poetry. We could call it a poetic license, if you will.

Some say being a poet is a dying profession. It's like being a video store clerk, or a blackberry salesman, or a late-night talk-show host.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The Supreme Court heard arguments on the constitutionality of same-sex marriage. It could be a major blow for those who believe that marriage should be between two bitterly and eventually overweight people of the opposite sex.

Personally, I rarely make good decisions when I'm wearing a robe.

The arguments against same-sex marriage were given by lawyers for conservative activist groups and the arguments for it will be delivered tomorrow in song.

If you're not familiar with the show "Splash," celebrities compete against each other diving. We tried to give you good shows but you continue to watch barely famous people dancing.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Everybody’s still talking about March Madness, and it turns out that President Obama has correctly predicted 11 of the Sweet 16 teams. When Joe Biden was asked about his Sweet 16, he said, “It was great — I had a petting zoo and a clown."

A father of five has come forward to claim Saturday’s winning Powerball ticket worth $338 million. Or as he told his five kids, “Great news. Three of you can go to college.”

 
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