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Friday Mar 22 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The movie “Spring Breakers” went wide today. It features robbery, arrests, drug use, alcohol, illicit sex. Or as Lindsay Lohan calls that, getting ready for trial.

Doctors in Canada were shocked after pulling a 3-inch knife blade from the back of a 32-year-old man. The knife had been in there for three years. Imagine that, the guy had a knife in his back for three years. He must have worked at NBC too.

Have you heard about this alleged feud that I'm having with NBC? I think it’s going to be OK. To make it up to me, they are sending my wife and me on an all-expenses-paid Carnival cruise.

According to a new survey, the average member of Congress can speak only at a 10th-grade level. Which is worse than it sounds, because the average 10th grader can speak only at a 5th-grade level.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

There's some big March Madness news. There was a huge upset last night when number 14 seeded Harvard beat number three New Mexico. Analysts said, "Do you know the chances of that happening?" And Harvard kids said, "12.6 percent."

Usually when you hear Harvard students and upset, it's because someone ended a sentence with a preposition.

A company in North Carolina is selling a $60 IQ test that people can give their dogs. If you spend 60 bucks on a dog IQ test, maybe YOU should take that IQ test.

There's no way I'd make my dog take an IQ test. He's already busy enough doing my taxes.

A man in Arkansas confessed that he had a friend pretend to attack him during a date so that he could impress the girl he was with. She could tell something was up when the mugger was like, "Give me all your money, Steve — I mean, guy I don't know!"

 
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