Thursday Jul 30 2009

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner


Earlier tonight at the White House, President Obama had a beer with Harvard Professor Henry Louis Gates and the policeman who arrested him. The meeting got off to a rough start when a neighbor called the police to say Gates was breaking into the White House.

Conservatives are criticizing Time magazine because they’ve put President Obama on the cover for the 12th time in the last year. Not only that, every week since Obama was elected he’s been on the cover of Black President Magazine.

This is Obama’s 12th appearance on the cover of Time magazine. This beats President’s Bush’s record of 11 appearances on the cover of MAD magazine.

The schedule for next year’s Iowa caucuses has been announced, and Jewish voters are upset because the caucus is being held on Saturday, which means they can’t attend. This could reduce the number of voters in the Iowa caucuses by almost two.

Late Show with David Letterman

Summer is just flying by. I can’t believe it. My mother said to me today, “David. Try to look on the bright side — six more weeks till Jay Leno is back.”

Sarah Palin announced that she was leaving as governor of Alaska. Everybody’s asking, “What is she going to do?” She wants to host a radio show. Of course, with that she’ll have to tell people when she’s winking.

They had the big beer party down at the White House. They were celebrating the last day of finals.

Here’s who was there: Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates and Sgt. James Crowley. I understand it went so well, Vice President Biden had to go out twice for ice.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Things Overheard At The White House Beer Summit

10. "Don't worry, Biden will clean up the empties"
9. "Guys stop me if I try to drunk dial Nancy Pelosi"
8. "Smoking, drinking. Suddenly our president is Artie Lange"
7. "Let's call Limbaugh and take this party to the next level"
6. "I feel dizzy and confused — just like Bush! Hi-yoo!"
5. "I don't want to freak anybody out, but I just saw Nixon walking down the hall"
4. "Tell Geithner to put his shirt on"
3. "Sen. Larry Craig asked if he could have his beer brought to the men's room"
2. "You guys wanna see where Clinton used to get freaky?"
1. "Excuse me while I take a presidential leak"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

The X Games start in L.A. today. BMX racers, skateboarders, and motocross dudes all compete to win a golden bong.

I love watching people test the limits of their bodies. The X Games is like Cirque du Soleil with better music.

The only event I don’t like is when the skateboarders grind down the stair rail. It makes a very annoying sound. It’s like the Jonas Brothers. Very annoying.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

President Obama had his “beer summit” at the White House. It was his chance to sit down with Dr. Henry Louis Gates, the Harvard professor who was arrested for breaking into his own house, and Sgt. James Crowley, the policeman who arrested him. There was one awkward moment when Crowley asked Obama for ID.

Vice President Biden showed up too . . . I guess they wanted to even things out racially.

They sat around a table in the rose garden and drank. I’m starting to think Obama cooked this whole thing up because he didn’t want to ask Michelle if he could have a poker night.

Tomorrow will be known as “Racial Harmony Hangover Day.”

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Well President Obama held his first “beer summit” at the White House today. Obama wanted Bud Light; Crowley wanted Blue Moon; Gates wanted a Red Stripe. And Joe Biden wanted whatever fits in his beer helmet.

The "beer summit" was good, but we all know the best stuff goes down at the "after-summit.”

Obama wants to make this a regular thing . . . he's already invited Ahmadinejad over for appletinis.

Yesterday, Vice President Joe Biden held a series of closed-door meetings. Not because they were secret, he just couldn't figure out how to open the door.

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