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Tuesday Mar 05 2013

Conan

Cardinals from all over the world are gathering in Rome to select the next Pope. You can watch the whole process on "Vatican's Got Talent."

The top choice to be the new Pope could be a Canadian. If elected Pope, his first act is to grant sainthood to Wayne Gretzky.

Researchers say they have figured out exactly what caused the crash of the Hindenburg. The culprit: a time-traveling Lindsay Lohan.

Last night Justin Bieber outraged fans by showing up two hours late for his concert. In fact, I've got to tell you, I almost left.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It is Election Day. We're going for a new mayor. At one point, our mayor was hanging around with Charlie Sheen. Everyone was wondering: Why would the most powerful guy in the city, a role model, and pillar of our community, want to hang around with the mayor?

It's been almost a decade since we've had a new mayor. It's starting to seem like the mayor of Los Angeles was one of those jobs for life. Like Supreme Court judge, or host of "The Tonight Show."

One candidate is named Kevin James. Not the actor. This Kevin James is a former lawyer. And a gay Republican. Kevin James the actor and Kevin James the politician are very different, of course. One is the king of queens. And the other . . . well.

L.A. has never had a female mayor, a Jewish mayor, or gay mayor. I'd be really impressed if a candidate was all three. This is who I want.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Justin Bieber made a lot of fans angry in London last night. He had a concert that was supposed to start at 8:30 but Justin didn't get out there until 10:30. Half the audience was kids on a school night, which means they were late getting home and had to go straight to bed without brushing their teeth, and the British really can't afford to miss a night of teeth brushing.

How can you ever be late for anything in London? They have a huge clock right in the middle of the town.

We have a lot of fat dogs in this country, which makes sense. We give them treats if they sit and stay; it's the worst thing you can do. We're enablers.

 
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