Monday Mar 04 2013


The search for a Pope has begun. The cardinals are all starting to gather together in Rome right now. It's like a "Star Trek" convention but less celibate.

Dennis Rodman visited North Korea. Rodman came back and said President Obama should call North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. But President Obama was busy discussing Iran's nuclear capabilities with Scottie Pippen.

Today Kenya is holding elections for the first time since 2007. It's getting nasty. Each presidential candidate is accusing the others of being born in Kenya.

Horse meat was found in some products at Taco Bell. Which explains Taco Bell's new slogan, "You can lead a horse to Taco Bell. We will take it from there."

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

President Obama's half-brother is running for office in Kenya. He's a political novice who was born and raised in Africa. I don't know much about the half-brother.

Many people don't realize Chicago is the home of two major cookie companies — Keebler and Nabisco. They are intense rivals. No one will forget the Great Keebler Elf Massacre of 1934.

The massacre was horrible. Hats and pointy shoes everywhere. Three elves were found face-down in a pool of their own fudge.

Police described the scene as delicious.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

A new season of Donald Trump's "Celebrity Apprentice" started last night. It includes Steven Baldwin and others who are celebrities — in the way that "I Can't Believe It's not Butter" is butter.

The show has Dennis Rodman, our new ambassador to North Korea. Dennis is back home safely after visiting the North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. And apparently they hit it off. Rodman called him a friend for life. But he said the same thing when he married Carmen Electra.

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