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Thursday Aug 06 2009

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Newspapers around the country are calling former President Bill Clinton a hero for his role in extracting 2 female journalists from North Korea. As a result, today, Clinton asked to be named Secretary of Extracting Asian Chicks.

Earlier today, Sonia Sotomayor was confirmed as the U.S. Supreme Court’s first Hispanic justice. Or as Lou Dobbs reported it, “Yet another job gone south of the border.”

The latest polls show that President Obama’s approval ratings have slumped to an all-time low. Which explains Obama’s new Secret Service code name: NBC.

This week, the Toyota Corolla became the most traded in car as part of the Cash for Clunkers program. After hearing about this, the CEO of General Motors said, “Oh God, don’t tell me Toyota makes even a better clunker than we do.”

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Congratulations to Judge Sonia Sotomayor, who was just confirmed by the U.S. Senate. Now she just has to get through the hazing. Not sure how this works. Does she sit next to Randy or Simon?

North Korea was offered a meeting with Al Gore in exchange for the two American journalists, but Kim Jong Il wanted to meet with Bill Clinton instead. Al Gore said, “I have no hard feelings at all.” Then he gained 70 pounds and grew a beard.

More Americans are using food stamps than ever before — over 34 million. Which may explain Bravo’s new show, “Top Chef — Boyardee Edition.”

Yesterday two Broadway producers, Garth Drabinsky and Myron Gottlieb, were sentenced to prison for scamming investors out of millions of dollars. It won’t be easy in there. No one wants you in their prison gang when your names are “Garth” and “Myron.”

 
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