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Thursday Jan 03 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

John Boehner was re-elected speaker of the house, which is pretty amazing — a Republican winning anything these days.

Chris Christie also lashed out at Congress for doing nothing for the victims of Hurricane Sandy. But in their defense Congress says, "Hey, we don't do anything for anybody."

President Obama signed the new fiscal cliff tax increase into law while vacationing in Hawaii today. He used an autopen, an electronic way of signing your name when you're not even there. Politicians can now raise your taxes while they're on vacation in Hawaii. This is a Democrat's dream come true.

The National Journal says that Joe Biden may be the most influential vice president in history. Joe Biden got this exciting news while he was walking President Obama's dog, Bo.

Late Show with David Letterman

Has anyone seen Al Gore's Current TV? I don't mean by mistake. I mean, who's actually watched it?

Well, Al-Jazeera has purchased Al Gore's old TV network, Current TV. So it's now owned by Al-Jazeera. And listen to this: $500 million. This is a little something Al Gore has come up with called "global fleecing."

Al Gore, Al-Jazeera; Al-Jazeera, Al Gore.

Al-Jazeera has some fabulous programming lined up. They've got a new show called "Storage Jihad." They have "Project Burka." And a show called "Real Virgins of Fallujah."

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Today, members of the 113th Congress were sworn in at the Capitol. After which, they were like, “Well, that's enough work for the year.”

Today the Senate swore in a record 20 female senators. Yep, the women said they’re very excited, and look forward to proving they can accomplish just as little as male senators.

Older members of the Academy are having trouble submitting their Oscar votes this year because for the first time, they are voting online. The good news is that "Les Miz" has gotten a lot of votes for Best Picture; the bad news is, most of them were typed into a microwave.

 
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