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Thursday Dec 06 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Prince William's wife, Kate, has been released from the hospital after suffering from severe morning sickness. Doctors told her take it easy, no strenuous activity, and don't go to work. In other words, just act like a member of the royal family.

According to The Associated Press, China will soon overtake the United States as the world's number one global trader. Which is actually good news for most Americans. Didn't you think China overtook us already?

Tough news for Yankee fans. Alex Rodriguez will have to undergo hip surgery and could end up missing half the season. And even worse news: He could be back in time for the playoffs.

Congratulations to ESPN reporter Samantha Steele and Minnesota Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder — they are now engaged. You can't blame Ponder for wanting to get married. He's on the Vikings. This is his only chance to get a ring this year.

Conan

Hanukkah begins this Saturday. As you know, Hanukkah is the Jewish holiday that lasts for eight different spellings.

Today New Jersey Governor Chris Christie visited the White House. President Obama told him, "I'd invite you to lunch but the deficit is already too high."

The governor of Arizona punched a reporter who asked her about global warming. Afterwards she apologized. She said, "Sorry, I'm a little touchy because it's almost Christmas and it's 135 degrees outside.

The International Olympic Committee has stripped India of its right to participate in the games. In response, India said, "Fine, just try logging on to your computers now."

Late Show with David Letterman

Mitt Romney got a job. He's working at a Marriott. He is the guy that comes out to the pool and tells the kids to stop splashing.

In New Zealand, dogs are learning to drive automobiles — because we're not burning enough fossil fuels.

Hugh Hefner is 86 years old and his bride-to-be is 26. It's one of those May-December things. He may not make it until December.

Hugh is ready for the honeymoon. He is already hooked up to a Cialis drip.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

The band “Fun” received Grammy nominations in the top three categories. Coming up empty again this year: the band "Work."

The New Orleans Hornets are reportedly changing their name to the Pelicans, though they also considered calling themselves the “Brass.” Even celebrity babies are like, “These are AWFUL names.”

The Pentagon is preparing for massive budget cuts in the event that the country does go over the fiscal cliff. You can tell the Pentagon is scaling back because today it became the "Triangle.”

 
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