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Tuesday Dec 04 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Mitt Romney is going back to work. Romney is joining the board of directors at Marriott hotels. See, who says President Obama can’t create jobs? There’s one right there.

I think it’s great that Romney's getting back to the workforce and not becoming one of those 47 percent looking for a handout.

The engagement between 86-year-old Hugh Hefner and his 26-year-old girlfriend Crystal Harris is back on. I don’t want to say that Hefner is old, but the ring boy is Larry King.

Hefner was engaged before and then she broke it off eight days before the wedding. Well now they have worked it out. I guess she has agreed to sign a pre-nup, but only if he agrees to sign the “do not resuscitate” order.

Conan

Kate Middleton's having a baby. Snooki says she wants to give baby advice to Kate Middleton. Snooki said her number one tip is to find out who the father is.

Kim Kardashian has been touring the Middle East, touching off angry protests among conservative Muslims. You would think conservative Muslims would be happy to see a woman who's never had a job.

In Russia, there was a 125-mile traffic jam that had drivers stuck in traffic for three days. Here in Los Angeles that's known as Friday.

The CEO of the Olive Garden blames his company's low profits on Obamacare — which is odd because most people won't eat at the Olive Garden until they have health insurance.

Late Show with David Letterman

Mitt Romney has a new job. He's going back to work. He got a job at a Marriott. When you're at the front desk arguing over your mini bar bill, Mitt will be the guy that comes from out back and says, "I understand there's some trouble?"

Then Mitt will say, "Let's just take a look at that. I hope you enjoyed your stay with us."

Do you know who's engaged? Hugh Hefner. He said today about his fiancée, "I've fallen for her and I can't get up."

Hefner's fiancée's name is Tiffany — no, sorry, Crystal. What's the difference? Anyway, she was saying she was really, really looking forward to the ceremony, and people are saying, "Are you talking about the wedding or the funeral?"

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Just three weeks until Christmas. So tonight CBS got into the Christmas spirit by showing the heartwarming family classic, "The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show."

Some people say "The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show" serves no purpose other than showing sexy women and using them to bolster ratings. Those people are called "correct."

"The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show" usually gives CBS a big boost in the ratings. That might get CBS to start sexing up some of their other shows, like putting the cast of "60 Minutes" in bathing suits.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Earlier today Mitt Romney was spotted on a Costco shopping spree. Romney ended up buying 14 Costcos.

Applebee’s is opening a “green” restaurant in New York that will have waterless urinals, a wall made of plants, and rooftop rainwater harvesting. All of which will be underneath a giant, million-watt neon sign that says “Applebee’s.”

At Justin Bieber’s concert in New York last week, a fan threw her phone on stage and Bieber took several pictures of himself with it. In a related story, Justin Bieber is in critical condition after getting hit with another 6,000 cell phones.

Facebook has announced that it will not be developing any of its own games and will continue to rely on outside companies. Facebook can still take credit for that one popular game: “Guess who got fat since high school.”

 
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