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Tuesday Aug 11 2009

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Conan

Yesterday in Africa, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton lost her temper at a college student when he asked her a question about her husband Bill’s opinion on a certain issue. I can understand why she got upset because the question was “Who’s hotter, Megan Fox or Eva Longoria?”

President Obama says he will not support a healthcare plan where the government gets to decide to “pull the plug on grandma.” Apparently Obama’s plan calls for the much quicker “pillow option.”

Last year people who watched “American Idol” on TiVo fast-forwarded through Paula Abdul’s comments more than those of any of the other judges. After hearing this, Paula said, “That’s why I can’t remember those shows.”

German Chancellor Angela Merkel is running for re-election and one of her campaign posters shows a low-cut dress that reveals several inches of cleavage. Apparently Merkel’s proud of her breasts, or as she calls them East and West Germany.

Late Show with David Letterman


Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

I like August. It’s the perfect time to barbeque. I like to barbeque in August, and if you don’t, go join your friends in al-Qaida.

Not many people know this, but the word barbeque is actually a Norwegian word that means “I love you.” That’s not true, but if it were true, wouldn’t it be awesome?

Thomas Jefferson was the first president to have a barbeque at the White House. Jefferson served Virginia ham to James Madison, Aaron Burr, and Larry King.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Over the past week congressmen holding town hall meetings across the country have been disrupted by angry protesters who are against Obama’s new healthcare plan. Things could have gotten violent but nobody can afford to actually get hurt.

Last night was the Teen Choice Awards, and 16-Year-old Miley Cyrus danced around a stripper pole on top of an ice-cream cart. To be fair, Miley said it wasn't a stripper pole, it was a purity-abstinence pole.

During her performance Miley wore short shorts, a tank top, and biker boots and said, "This represents where I come from.” Apparently, Miley Cyrus comes from Britney Spears’ house.

A Russian woman was arrested after she threw a coffee mug at the Mona Lisa in Paris. Turns out the woman threw the mug because she was upset that she didn't get French citizenship. Wow, even people who want to be French are rude.

 
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