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Monday Oct 01 2012

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Arnold Schwarzenegger gave an interview to "60 Minutes" last night. In the interview, Arnold says you can't run from your mistakes. Yeah, especially when they have feet of their own.

Florida election officials say at least 10 counties have identified suspicious and possibly fraudulent voter registration forms. And they were turned in by a firm working for the Republican Party of Florida. I guess they got suspicious when they realized most of the votes were for Bob Dole.

The man who made that film mocking Islam has been arrested. I don't know if that's a good idea. I mean, if they start arresting everybody in this town who made a bad film, Hollywood is dead.

According to people who are supposed to know these things, we're now entering a worldwide shortage of bacon and pork. Finally, a crisis Al Gore will find even more troubling than global warming.

Conan

It's 106 degrees — another crisp, fall day in Los Angeles. The leaves are turning red because they're on fire.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was on "60 Minutes" promoting his book. He said you can't run from your mistakes. You have to confront them. Yeah, especially if they look exactly like you and keep calling you dad.

The presidential debate is on Wednesday. Mitt Romney has been preparing for the debate by debating a Republican senator who plays the part of President Obama. Meanwhile, President Obama has been preparing for Romney by debating an ATM machine.

Tough weekend for Justin Bieber. On the first show of his new tour, he vomited on stage twice. That's right. Even Justin Bieber is sick of Justin Bieber now.

Late Show with David Letterman

Isn't it a beautiful day? It's 73 and sunny, just like Kelly Ripa.

It's autumn, and a sure sign of fall — the New York Jets have gone into hibernation.

Coach Rex Ryan said he's going to give the team two days off this week to rest up. I saw the game Sunday. I think he gave them that day off too.

Ann Romney says that if Mitt is elected she would worry about his mental health. Well, there's a ringing endorsement.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Arnold Schwarzenegger's book is out today. Arnold's book reveals all the secrets he kept from his wife. That's why it's a million pages long.

The part of the book everyone's going to skip to is the part where he talks about the maid and the love child. He says he didn't think the kid was his at first — mostly because the kid could speak English.

Arnold says in the book cheating on Maria was the stupidest thing he ever did. Excuse me, but I saw "Jingle All the Way."

Despite the scandal, Schwarzenegger was a popular governor. So popular that Republicans wanted to repeal the natural-born citizen law that prevented him from running for president. So a president born in Austria would have been OK, but a president born in Kenya — NO!

Jimmy Kimmel Live

It's very, very hot here today, over 100 degrees. I wonder if the sun knows it's October?

I see you all survived Carmageddon. They shut down the 405 highway over the weekend. Even our highways get cosmetic surgeries. Next week Bruce Jenner's face will be shut down for a weekend.

People here did stay away from the 405 — some because they were worried about traffic, others because they were using Apple maps and couldn't find the 405.

Justin Bieber kicked off his tour in Phoenix Saturday night and midway through the show he vomited on stage. And he didn't just throw up once, he threw up twice. You know that once is an accident, but if it happens twice, maybe the songs are trying to tell you something.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

On Saturday night, Justin Bieber threw up on stage during the first stop of his concert tour. Even weirder, the sound of Bieber throwing up just hit number one on the Billboard chart.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was interviewed on "60 Minutes." He revealed that he performed two same-sex marriages while he was governor of California. Of course, the marriages aren't official because the couples couldn't understand what Arnold was saying.

The animated movie, "Hotel Transylvania," came in number one at the box office this weekend. It's about a place where people are free to be the monsters they really are, or as most people call that, the Bravo network.

Police in Florida were called this weekend after 400 pounds of marijuana washed up on the beach. The police became suspicious when people stopped building sand castles and started building White Castles.

 
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