Wednesday Sep 26 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Let me tell you how crazy Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is. Today he actually defended the NFL's replacement refs.

These replacement refs are so bad that in a taste test between Coke and Pepsi, they picked Sprite.

The refs are so bad that even Tim Tebow was cursing them out.

President Obama is so confident that he's thinking about letting Joe Biden start speaking again.


It's rumored that in a recent Univision interview, Mitt Romney wore makeup to appeal to Latino voters. I can't wait to see Romney's appearance on BET.

An airline in Asia announced that it's selling seats in what they call a quiet zone where babies are not allowed. The people most likely to order seats in the quiet zone are businessmen and parents of babies.

TLC has ordered more episodes of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" — just as the Mayans predicted.

At a recent concert, Madonna told the audience she would strip naked if President Obama is re-elected. In a related story, President Obama is now trailing in the polls by 97 percent.

Late Show with David Letterman

Don't expect too much tonight. It's Yom Kippur and we're using replacement writers.

How about those replacement refs? Think about it. One day you're working in Foot Locker and the next day you're in the NFL.

Everyone who walked by the U.N. today received a "Mad Dictator" bobblehead doll.

Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is always angry. Yesterday he said, however, that in fact he does not hate gay people. He went on to say that Iran is on its way to developing one of its own.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

We're getting driverless cars in California. What's next? Bread that toasts itself, gum that chews itself, NFL games that referee themselves?

I don't know if driverless cars will affect us here in L.A. It's not really a car town.

There's a lot of competition between Northern California and Southern California to see who could change the world the most. This week Northern California gave us the driverless car but Southern California gave us "Dancing With the Stars" all-star edition.

They've been testing the driverless cars around the country and so far there hasn't been one accident. But they need to put these cars up against a real test. You know, like Mel Gibson or Lindsay Lohan.

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