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Friday Aug 14 2009

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

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Conan

President Obama was in Montana today. He met with residents, held a town hall meeting, and then he went fly-fishing. Montana residents came from miles around for the once in a lifetime chance to see a black guy fly-fishing.

Yesterday, an 11-year-old boy interviewed President Obama, and the boy asked Obama what to do about bullying. In response, Obama said, “Shut up nerd.”

It’s been reported that Former Vice President Dick Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. Cheney’s book will be called, “The 5 People You Meet in Hell.”

A paternity test revealed that John Edwards is in fact the biological father of his mistress’s child. Experts say they could tell it was Edwards’ DNA because it kept grooming itself for the microscope.

Late Show with David Letterman

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Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

The movie “The Time Traveler’s Wife” opened this weekend. It’s about a guy who travels through time to find love. H.G. Wells was the first guy to write about time travel, back in 1895. He wrote “The Time Machine.” In the book people traveled through time using as magical device. I have used a magical device to travel through time as well — it’s called tequila.

I would drink this magical device, and three days in the future, I would wake up in a dumpster.

I would love to go back hundreds of years to see historical moments like the Declaration of Independence, Washington crossing the Delaware, Barbara Walters getting her first job . . .

Jimmy Kimmel Live

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Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

John Edwards has finally admitted that he is the father of his mistress’s baby. It’s a pretty classic case of "whoever denied it, supplied it.”

He says he ashamed; he can hardly look himself in the mirror. On the bright side, that frees up an extra four hours of the day for him.

Some good news that came out of the whole affair: Edwards agreed to join Bristol Palin on the abstinence tour.

A newspaper in Utah is refusing to publish a gay couple’s wedding announcement. In Utah a lot people believe marriage is between a man and a woman . . . and a woman . . . and a woman.

 
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