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Monday Sep 10 2012

Conan

Mitt Romney released another ad that features Hispanic voters speaking in Spanish. The ad ends with him saying, "I'm Mitt Romney, and I have no idea what these people are saying."

Yesterday in Florida, President Obama visited a pizzeria. The owner gave the president a bear hug and lifted him off his feet. Everybody shared a good laugh and then the Secret Service shot the man in the face.

The number one movie at the box office again this weekend was "The Possession," which is a Jewish version of "The Exorcist." The climax of the film is when they force the ghost to retire to Boca Raton.

It's been reported that Kim Kardashian's mom, Kris Jenner, said that Honey Boo Boo's mom is exploiting her daughter. Moments later Kris Jenner was hospitalized for acute irony poisoning.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Jeff Probst, Katie Couric, and Rikki Lake all premiered new talk shows. Oprah Winfrey's show has been off the air a year now. Everyone wants to fill the empty chair left by Oprah except Clint Eastwood. He just wants to yell at the empty chair left by Oprah.

Since Oprah left, everyone's been asking the same question. Whose couch will Tom Cruise jump on when he signs a contract with his next "new wife"?

I'm curious about the show hosted by Jeff Probst. This week's guests are a group of 80-year-old women discussing their sex lives. Isn't that "The View"?

Did you know Judge Judy is the highest paid person on TV right now? She reportedly makes $45 million a year. Some of that's from her TV show. The rest is from her back-alley meth lab.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Prince Harry is back in the news. Three weeks after those nude photos appeared of him playing strip billiards at a hotel, he was deployed for a four-month tour of duty in Afghanistan. One crazy night and queen grandma ships you right to Kandahar.

Lindsay Lohan tweeted President Obama on the topic of tax cuts. Someone needs to tell her she's Lindsay Lohan and should be focusing on what the president plans to do to cut car insurance deductibles.

In Chicago today, 26,000 public school teachers went on strike, the first teachers' strike they had in 25 years. Teachers are calling it a last resort. City officials are saying it's unnecessary and wrong, and students are calling it awesome.

Almost every kid in Chicago gets to skip school. It's like there are 400,000 Ferris Buellers loose on the street.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, Paul Ryan said that he and Mitt Romney won't reveal their tax plan to the public until after the election. Other politicians couldn't believe it. They were like, "At least do the honorable thing and lie."

A new poll shows that President Obama has expended his lead over Mitt Romney since the Democratic National Convention. Of course, it didn't help Obama as much as that other event — the Republican National Convention.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is scheduled to address the United Nations on the Jewish holy day of Yom Kippur. That's like the Kardashians giving a speech on Labor Day.

A man in California is accusing Miley Cyrus of punching him in the face at a nightclub over the weekend. Police had a lot of questions for the guy like, "Why would you want the world to know that you got beat up by Miley Cyrus?"

 
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