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Tuesday Aug 18 2009

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Conan

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Late Show with David Letterman

Sad news: Rosie O’Donnell is breaking up with longtime spouse, Kelly. Here’s how it works: Kelly gets the house, Rosie gets the tugboat.

Rosie is so upset over it that she failed to report to the Vikings training camp.

Tiger Woods, who never lost a major tournament when he was leading, lost to Y.E. Yang. He lost the PGA championship. Today, Golf Digest upgraded Yang from “unknown” to “virtually unknown.”

Obama was watching the contest. He knows Tiger was upset. In fact, he invited Tiger and Yang to the White House for a beer.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Tiger Woods Excuses

10. "No room left in my trophy case"
9. "Spent previous night with John Daly"
8. "Uhhh . . . the barometric pressure?"
7. "Wasn't feeling very Tiger-y"
6. "Would you practice if you had a hot Swedish wife?"
5. "When I learned winner doesn't get a sharp looking green jacket, I said, 'Screw it'"
4. "Maybe it was the heat, but by hole 12 my 9-iron was talking to me"
3. "Too much pre-tournament gazpacho"
2. "Instead of winning majors, focused on making every recipe in Julia Child's cookbook"
1. "What do you expect? Y.E. Yang wins everything"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

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Jimmy Kimmel Live

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Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

In a speech yesterday, former President George W. Bush attacked President Obama’s policies on anti-terrorism, healthcare, and the economy. Then Bush spent the next 20 minutes trying to kill a fly.

A British newspaper reported that Mir Hossein Moussaoui actually won the election in Iran. Ahmadinejad came in third. Coming in second? Al Gore.

In an interview, John Edwards said that “time will tell” whether running for president while having an affair was a good decision. I hate to break it to you John, but it was a bad decision. Time just called and won’t shut up about it.

Today is National Sushi Day. Or as fish call it, hell on earth.

 
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