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Friday Aug 24 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

How about Lance Armstrong? After refusing to go to arbitration over the doping allegations, he’s lost everything. Seven titles were taken away. He had to give back his Olympic medal. He had to give back the money he won. Those are drastic cuts. I didn’t even know he worked for Comcast.

Do you know who the greatest cyclist of all time is now? I don’t know, nobody does. He was the only guy I ever knew.

According to politico.com, Donald Trump will have a surprise role on the first day of the Republican convention. He will be there to tell Missouri Congressman Todd Akin, "You're fired."

According to a new poll, Mitt Romney is at zero percent among African Americans. Here’s the sad part: That’s up 5 percent from last week.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Today, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan attended a campaign rally at an apple orchard in Michigan. Of course, there was one awkward moment when they told the Granny Smiths they were cutting their Medicare.

It's rumored that Joe Biden is seriously considering running for president in 2016. Yeah, seriously — which is interesting because voters' reaction to that was, "seriously?"

As part of a new security measure, Nike will no longer open its stores at midnight the day a new shoe is released. They say it will be much safer for everyone to get trampled to death in the morning.

A couple in Texas got engaged just hours after they were arrested for robbery. You can tell they're perfect for each other — they even finish each other's prison sentences.

 
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