JokesPageHeader
     
Wednesday Aug 22 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

At a campaign stop in Virginia, Joe Biden said he is such a NASCAR fan, he said, "I'd trade being vice president in a heartbeat for winning Daytona." To which President Obama said, "Deal!"

Happy birthday to gold medalist sprinter Usain Bolt. He turned 26 this week. You know the sad thing? His world record time has already been broken by Republicans running away from Missouri Congressman Todd Akin.

The Mars rover Curiosity has sent back images of some odd things on the surface of Mars, and some people think they could be UFOs. Here's my question. If we're on the surface of Mars, aren't we the UFO?

According to a new study, eating egg yolks after the age of 40 is as bad for you as smoking. Let me tell you something. If you are stupid enough to eat a 40-year-old egg yolk, you get what you deserve.

Late Show with David Letterman

We found out early that Kelly Ripa, after five years of searching for a new co-host to replace Regis Philbin, has finally found the guy that's going to take his job, the man who's going to fill his shoes — New York Giants defensive end Michael Strahan. They were going to announce it at the Republican convention but we found out.

Strahan will be formally nominated. Then they'll demand to see his birth certificate.

Missouri Congressman Todd Akin has some interesting views on health. I think he's in a little hot water. Penn State took down his statue today.

Akin apologized on Rachel Ray's show and then they made veal mea culpa.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Nude photos popped up on the Internet today of what appears to be Prince Harry having a big naked party in Las Vegas. This has caused quite a commotion in London. But I'd be disappointed if my prince WASN'T having naked parties in Vegas.

What's the point of being a prince if you can't round girls up in Vegas and get naked with them? In the olden days, it probably went on every night and if you told anybody about it, they cut your head off.

Maybe those poor girls lost their clothes in an accident and the prince graciously gave them his. It's called chivalry. Look it up.

I just think it's refreshing to see a famous redhead drunk and stripping that isn't Lindsay Lohan for a change.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Former New York Giant Michael Strahan will replace Regis Philbin as Kelly Ripa’s permanent co-host. Of course it gets kind of weird when you hear that Regis was actually traded to the Giants.

It was just announced that most of the speakers at this year’s Democratic National Convention will be women. But it’s going to be annoying when they stop speaking, but won’t tell you why.

More magazines are actually photo-shopping their models to make them look heavier. When models heard that they were like, “Or you could just let us eat.”

In a new interview, first lady Michelle Obama said she doesn’t have time to read “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Then it got weird when she added, “Again.”

 
Email:
 
Retype Email:
 
Country:
 
Zip Code:
Your e-mail address and personal information is confidential as stated in our Privacy Policy.
 

Newsmax, Moneynews, and Independent. American. are registered trademarks of Newsmax Media, Inc. Newsmax TV, NewsmaxWorld, NewsmaxHealth, are trademarks of Newsmax Media, Inc.

 
NEWSMAX.COM
America's News Page
©  Newsmax Media, Inc.
All Rights Reserved