Tuesday Aug 21 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

At a campaign stop in Ohio, a group of senior citizens greeted Republican Vice President nominee Paul Ryan and yelled "Good luck!" It’s good to see the cast of "The Expendables 2" out this week.

Mitt Romney says if he is elected he will create 12 million new jobs in his first year in office — and that's just people to do his taxes.

Todd Akin, the Republican Senate candidate from Missouri, is under fire for his controversial comments that women who are "legitimately raped are less likely to get pregnant.” The good news? Candidates who are legitimately that stupid are less likely to get elected.

Fellow Republicans are calling for Todd Akin to step down. But Democrats are going “Stay in! Don’t be a quitter. Hang in there.”

Late Show with David Letterman

We all remember where we were when we got the news that Regis had been pushed out of a job. Ever since then they've been pretending to look for a new guest host for Kelly. They made the announcement today. Guess who it is? Missouri Congressman Todd Akin.

Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That's too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century.

Mitt looks like a guy who would be the closer at Beverly Hills Mercedes.

And Mitt's running mate Paul Ryan — who has dropped out of nowhere and has energized the Republican ticket — he looks like the guy you see on packages of underwear.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

I want to take a moment to wish the senior citizens in our audience a happy Senior Citizens Day. In honor of Senior Citizens Day, today I ate an entire bowl of hard candy and pretended not to know what a laptop was.

Senior Citizens Day was made official by President Reagan in 1988 to recognize the contributions the elderly do for this country. It's a special holiday to remind them they are indeed old.

The Princeton Review just released its annual list of top party schools in the United States. The number one party college for 2012 is West Virginia University. West Virginia students today celebrated by continuing to celebrate.

There's a referee strike in the NFL right now. They're demanding more money and silly shirts.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

At the age of 50, Roger Clemens has signed on to play for a minor league team in Texas. You can tell he's getting up there. Today he tested positive for Activia.

It’s National Senior Citizen’s Day, which is not to be confused with National Senior Citizen’s Week — the Republican Convention in Florida.

A hurricane could threaten next week’s Republican National Convention in Tampa. It could really hurt Republicans — which explains its name, “Hurricane Todd Akin.”

Mattel just unveiled a new Barbie that is being referred to as the Drag Queen Barbie. Confused child sold separately.

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