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Tuesday Aug 18 2009

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

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Conan

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Late Show with David Letterman

Hot today in New York City. So hot, they’re landing airplanes in the Hudson River just to cool off.

So hot today that the crack dealers in New York City switched to Klondike Bars.

It’s also hot down in Washington, D.C. It’s so hot, President Obama invited professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Sgt. James Crowley to the White House to run in the sprinklers.

So hot, that thing on Donald Trump’s head was panting.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top 10 Ways the World Would Be Different If Britney Spears Were President

10. I'd be the first president to wear eye shadow since Nixon
9. We would only invade fun places like Cabo
8. Free pie for everybody
7. My situation room would be a cabana at the Palms Casino in Vegas
6. I'd lure Osama out of hiding with the irresistable scent of my new fragrance 'Circus Fantasy'
5. Every presidential news conference would feature costume changes
4. America might have a more coherent fiscal strategy
3. Challenge U.S. to put nightclub on the moon by end of decade
2. Three words: Vice President Diddy
1. Finally the media would pay some attention to me
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

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Jimmy Kimmel Live

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Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

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