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Thursday Aug 16 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

President Obama met with Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner in the Oval Office. They agreed on a new economic plan after losing last night's big Powerball lottery.

President Obama is still reminding people that he inherited this economy. Let me tell you something. If this economy doesn't turn around soon, his inheritance could be cut off in November.

Joe Biden has a new slogan — "Chains you can believe in."

Even though he made a number of gaffes this week, President Obama says he's sticking with Joe Biden as his running mate, and Biden is thrilled. Of course he's thrilled. Do you want to be looking for a job in this economy?

Late Show with David Letterman

In 1977 on this date I know exactly where I was and you know exactly where you were when you found out Elvis Presley passed away at age 42. Another job well done by Dr. Conrad Murray.

Paul Ryan looks like a guy who owns his own chain of nursing homes.

Paul Ryan likes to catch a catfish bare-handed. He'll wade into a river and pull it out with his bare hands. Meanwhile, Chris Christie likes to reach into the tank at Red Lobster.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

When Facebook stock went on the market, it was priced at $38 a share. Now, a share is worth $18.99. Market analysts have said we're not posting enough pictures of our cats on Facebook.

Some investors are suing Facebook saying they were misled. Their CEO is a kid in a hoodie. That's how much we have been misled.

For the first time ever the U.S. men's soccer team beat Mexico in Mexico. And Americans reacted by not caring whatsoever.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

In a new interview with Fortune magazine, Mitt Romney says he wants to cut funding for PBS. When he heard that, Oscar the Grouch was like, "Seriously? I already live in a garbage can — how much worse can my life get?"

Mitt Romney wants to cut funding for PBS. That explains why today “Sesame Street” was brought to you by the letters “O and “Bama.”

A new study found that vegetarian cavemen died earlier than cavemen who ate meat. Not from starvation — they were just murdered after they kept talking about why they became vegetarians.

 
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