Wednesday Aug 15 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

It was 109 degrees today in Los Angeles. It was so hot today, Joe Biden was putting his foot in his mouth just to cool it off.

President Obama visited a wind farm in Iowa. You know, just one wind farm with 50 turbines generates as much wind power as a single Joe Biden speech.

According to a new poll, atheism is becoming more and more popular among Americans. God only knows why.

A research group reports that video game sales are down for the eighth straight month. I'll tell you how bad it's been. The other day, I saw a 15-year-old kid riding a bike outside.

Late Show with David Letterman

Mitt Romney has selected Paul Ryan as his running mate. They say this could be a big boost for the Republican ticket and I was thinking, "Well, Joe Biden could be a big boost for the Republican ticket, you know?"

Biden has made too many mistakes for Obama and he's fed up. So today President Obama called Mitt Romney and asked Mitt if he would fire Biden.

Republicans like Paul Ryan because they say he's a fiscal conservative, and that's a perfect balance for Romney who's a guy that has an elevator for his Cadillacs.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Today is National Relaxation Day. Today's the day when you can just check Facebook and not think about work, just like every other day here in America.

I feel like between the medical marijuana, the massage chairs, and the Sleep Number mattresses, we're relaxed enough.

Mitt Romney said he wants to cut funding for things like Amtrak and PBS, both of which are subsidized by the government. I don't like the idea of cutting funds for PBS. Things are bad enough already. One of the Muppets is living in a garbage can.

A new Gallup poll shows that only 1 in 10 Americans approve of the job they're doing. A 10 percent approval rating is about the same approval rating that rabies has.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

The White House just revealed that it brews its own beer, and President Obama drinks it when he goes out campaigning. And even more of it when Joe Biden goes out campaigning.

The U.S. military is sending surveillance blimps to monitor the U.S. border with Mexico. It's a great plan until everyone looks up and sees the blimps.

A man who lost his memory used pictures on Facebook to piece his life back together. Or as most people call that, “Sunday morning.”

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