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Wednesday Aug 19 2009

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Conan

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Late Show with David Letterman

Brett Favre is coming out retirement to play for the Minnesota Vikings. Talk about your “cash for clunkers.”

A new book is out by Bernie Madoff’s mistress. He had a mistress for 20 years. Twenty years! I’m beginning to think there’s a shady side to this guy.

When Bernie’s wife reads the book she’ll say, “That’s it — I’m not waiting 150 years for that guy.”

The mistress says Bernie was a fabulous kisser. She says she used to love kissing Bernie until one day she realized her gold fillings were gone.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Reasons Brett Favre Came Out Of Retirement

10. Blew his savings on a two-day taco binge
9. No reason to stay home every day now that "Guiding Light" has been canceled
8. Worried Obama's death panels might try to take him out
7. In this economy, someone offers a job, you grab it
6. Wants to raise and then dash hopes of another city's fans
5. Couldn't take another trip to Pottery Barn with the wife
4. Lured by a lucrative contract and free jar of Icy Hot
3. "Concussions made me krazy!"
2. Who could resist chance to spend glorious winter in Minnesota?
1. Uh, oh, wait . . . he just retired again
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

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Jimmy Kimmel Live

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Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

According to the Congressional Budget Office, the federal deficit hit a record $180 billion in May. Or as it’s known in New York — four Yankee tickets.

Colleges in India have banned all women form wearing jeans. They say it’s to protect them from sexual harassment. Seems like it would be easier to ban sexual harassment.

Venezuela has banned the sale of Coke Zero due to an unspecified health risk. Still not banned in Venezuela? Actual coke.

 
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