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Friday Jul 27 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The big story here in Los Angeles, of course, the L.A. City Council has just voted to ban medical marijuana sales at all 790 dispensaries. You know this means? Some people may have to resort to smoking non-medical marijuana. Good luck finding that!

In the spirit of the Olympic Games, they traditionally ask that all fighting and warfare around the world stop. So, there's hope for a ceasefire within the Jackson family.

A judge has ruled that Katherine Jackson, Michael’s mother, will no longer have custody of Michael’s kids because of bad decisions. Not only that, but they took down her statue from the Neverland Ranch.

Mitt Romney annoyed the British by saying that London seemed unprepared for the Olympics. You know, putting his foot in his mouth like that is not very presidential. Vice presidential, sure. Yeah, but not presidential.

Conan

This year's Olympics will be replacing the women's beach volleyball bikinis with uniforms that are less revealing. The stricter dress code was made to appease the conservative nation of “Buzzkillistan.”

The cast of "Modern Family" delayed production for the upcoming season due to a contract dispute. I think I speak on behalf of men everywhere when I say, “Give Sofia Vergara whatever she wants.”

A report shows smoking marijuana can help eliminate diarrhea. It's true. The finding was called significant by doctors and a win-win by Taco Bell.

Late Show with David Letterman

The night before the Olympics opening ceremony, my son, who is eight years old, gets very excited and likes to put out a plate of cookies and some milk for Bob Costas.

The opening ceremonies will feature the parade of athletes from 107 bankrupt nations.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The weekend is almost here which means another Lindsay Lohan car accident is upon us.

At this point, it would be more efficient if I told you when she didn't get into a car accident.

She rear ended someone on sunset boulevard yesterday, which I think means six more weeks of summer, right?

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

I read that one of the presidential will have a town hall format where citizens will ask the candidates questions. The most common question: “Are you the only two choices?”

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie said he will think about running for president in 2016 if Obama wins in November. But until then he said he'll just think about pancakes.

Scotland announced that it will legalize gay marriage. I don't know what's bigger news, that Scotland did that or that a country where guys wear plaid skirts didn't already have gay marriage.

Germany has opened a new hotline that lets people call in and yell curse words at strangers on the other end. We have something similar in America. It's called Time Warner customer service.

 
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