Tuesday Jul 10 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The record-breaking heat wave hitting the rest of the country is now hitting Los Angeles. I was sweating like President Obama trying to spin the latest unemployment numbers.

It was so hot, Eric Holder was smuggling water pistols.

It was so hot, immigrants were crossing the border on Slip 'n' Slides.

An awkward moment for Mitt Romney today in Colorado. A homeless guy asked him for a dollar, but all he had was Swiss Francs.

Late Show with David Letterman

Last night Prince Fielder won the All-Star Game Home Run Derby. His whole family was there including his lovely wife Princess Fielder.

By the way, Prince Fielder is second in line for the throne behind Queen Latifah.

Tomorrow the House of Representatives will vote for the 30th time on healthcare. For the 30th time they'll vote it down again. Who says these guys aren't doing stuff, huh?

Mitt Romney is worth $250 million. I saw him interviewed and they said, "Mitt, how did you get so much money?" He said, "You know what? I always buy store-brand ketchup."

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

In a new interview, Mitt Romney said he doesn’t know where his financial records are because he doesn’t manage them. Yeah, he would have said more, but he had to give a speech on why he’s the perfect guy to fix the economy.

Best Buy just announced plans to lay off 600 Geek Squad employees. In response, Geek Squad employees were like, “Phew, good thing I already live with my parents.”

A high school in Indiana is requiring every student to buy an iPad instead of using textbooks. That’s nothing. In China they require every student to MAKE an iPad instead of using textbooks.

Over the weekend, a man in Massachusetts was chased by a great white shark while he was kayaking for the first time. Or as he’s now calling it, “kayaking for the LAST time.”

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