Wednesday Jun 27 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Mitt Romney has a new fundraising gimmick. If you donate $3 or more to his campaign, your name will be entered into a drawing to win a dinner with Mitt Romney and Donald Trump. If you donate more than $10, you get to sit at a different table.

While talking about the economy, Joe Biden said it's a depression for millions of Americans. He used the word "depression" to describe the economy. I don't know if Mitt Romney has picked a running mate yet, but Joe Biden sounds like he'd be perfect.

A rare copy of Abraham Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation sold for $2.1 million at an auction house in New York City. As you know, the Emancipation Proclamation is the document that freed the vampires.

Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.

Late Show with David Letterman

Tomorrow is the NBA Draft. The Knicks have the 48th pick in the draft. What do they hope to get — a ballboy?

The Knicks will take the best athlete available. That's the Knicks' position on this. We will take the best athlete available. And so will Kim Kardashian.

There's been some trouble at the "Today" show. They have what they call the fourth hour of the "Today "show. Four hours long is like a hostage crisis.

Regis will be back with Kathie Lee on the fourth hour of the "Today" show. You know how long Regis Philbin has been around? This guy used to hunt vampires with Abe Lincoln.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Apparently the electricity in the entire city of Los Angeles is out. That's genuinely frightening, isn't it? It is a great day if you're an electrician and you work at CBS because you're getting some overtime tonight.

It is a great day to be an electrician because an electrician is a scientist. Physicists are better than scientists. Albert Einstein was a physicist. Bill Nye the science guy is a scientist.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

President Obama has a new ad that hits Mitt Romney’s business career by calling him an “outsourcer-in-chief.” Romney responded with an ad of his own — made by an excellent company in India.

A family in Colorado was reunited with their lost bulldog, after it was found 500 miles away. In response, the bulldog was like, “Jeez, can’t these people take a hint?”

A new study found that pigeons can actually recognize human faces. So I guess my pigeon friend was just blowing me off the other day in Starbucks.

Ford has a new technology to help keep a car in its lane on the highway. They say it works great — until you want to exit the highway.

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