Wednesday Jun 13 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The White House softball team played the pro-marijuana lobbyists' team and lost 25-3. Still no word yet on which side President Obama played for.

TV icon Betty White visited President Obama in the Oval Office this week. The last time Betty visited the White House, it was still under construction.

China is now preparing to send their first woman into outer space. Which at first seems like a feminist breakthrough until you realize she doesn't want to go.

According to The New York Times, Mexican drug cartels launder millions and million of dollars through horse races. I hate to see something like betting on horses become corrupt and seedy? What's next, boxing?


We're in a very nice hotel here in Chicago. In fact, the maid left a rack of ribs on my pillow.

President Obama is coming to Chicago this weekend. Obama is introducing his new economic plan as part of the Just For Laughs Festival.

The Chicago Cubs fired their hitting coach. Isn't that incredible? The Cubs had a hitting coach.

Things have changed a lot since the last time I was in this town. Today Oprah asked me if I could spot her $20 until the weekend.

Late Show with David Letterman

Betty White visited President Obama at the White House. The first time Betty was at the White House she was stayed in the Lincoln Bedroom — with Lincoln.

President Obama is going to a fundraiser at Sarah Jessica Parker's house. It will be a formal, sit-down dinner for 200 in her shoe closet.

Lindsay Lohan was driving her Porsche and she crashes. And they think maybe she had an open container of alcoholic beverage in the car. Considering her record, this could mean up to a half an hour in prison.

Lindsay's assistant apparently was with her at the time of the crash, and he was arrested for DWI: driving with an idiot.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Other Ways Mitt Romney Describes Doughnuts

Powdered Snack Cylinders
Dessert Bagels
Leavened Batter Globules
Sugary Pastry Tires
Perforated Strudel Orbs
Saturated Fat Wheels
Dunking Muffins
Glazed Giddy-Ups
Chris Christie Kremes
The Cadillac of Pastries
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Tonight was the premiere of a new version of the TV show "Dallas" with Larry Hagman. He was the original J.R. I used to watch him on "I Dream of Jeannie." He was an astronaut with a gorgeous genie in a skimpy outfit. She'd say, "Oh master, your wish is my command," and he'd say, "Just don't do magic." Even as a kid, I'm thinking, "She will do anything you want. You're an astronaut. Get her to launch a rocket or something."

The original "Dallas" series started in 1978. Back then, America was very different. We had an ineffective, one-term president. Gas prices were through the roof. We were in a stand-off with Iran. I'm glad those dark days are over.

"Dallas" ran for 14 seasons right here on CBS. That's a little too long. In my experience, you start phoning it in on CBS after about year two. This is my eighth season.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Last night, Game 1 of the NBA finals had its highest rating in 10 years. Even LeBron James' hairline was like, "Wow, that's high."

LeBron James revealed that he just finished reading all three books in "The Hunger Games" trilogy. The bad news is he did it last night during the fourth quarter.

I heard that Snooki, Pauly D, and The Situation will each make $5 million for this season's "Jersey Shore." It just goes to show that if you put your mind to something and work hard, you're wasting your time.

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