Friday Jun 08 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

In an event celebrating her 25th anniversary of being elected to Congress, Nancy Pelosi revealed that the ghost of past feminist leaders spoke to her at her first White House meeting as speaker. In a related story, doctors now say, "Yes, Botox can cause hallucinations."

Guantanamo Bay detention center is now undergoing millions of dollars of upgrades that include a new soccer field, cable TV, and enriching-your-life classes for the detainees that include learning to paint and writing a resume. Why do they need a resume? Who's going to hire these guys?

Remember when Obama was campaigning? Didn't he say he was going to close Guantanamo Bay? Didn't he say that? Apparently, he just meant for renovations.

In Greece, the unemployment rate has risen to 22%. The solution to the problem was to raise taxes on the rich, according to the Greek president Barack Obama-opolis.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

This weekend President Obama's daughter, Sasha, will turn 11 years old. Sasha didn’t ask Obama for a present — you know, because she’s still waiting for him to deliver the gifts he promised three birthdays ago.

For the first time ever, more than half of all senior citizens in the U.S. are using the Internet. Or as AOL put it, “We’re back, baby!”

That’s right, half of all senior citizens are using the Internet. Yeah, I read that when my grandma sent the entire story to me in the subject line of an email.

On Wednesday, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un spoke at a rally for more than 20,000 children. He said if the kids just buckle down and study hard, they can be anything he wants them to be.

A company in Missouri is selling a glazed donut-flavored vodka. Which explains why last night I got like 20 drunk-dials from New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

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