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Monday Aug 24 2009

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Rerun

Conan

Meteorologists are now saying Hurricane Bill has been downgraded to a tropical depression. They say Bill officially hit the depression stage after a surprise run-in with Hurricane Hillary.

Former President Clinton recently had to clear out of his office for a few days because it’s infested with bed bugs. Experts are calling it “The 500th reason President Clinton shouldn’t be allowed to have a bed in his office.”

Fox News host Glenn Beck has lost over 30 sponsors since he called President Obama a racist, including the company that makes Clorox bleach. That’s amazing — even a company whose sole purpose is to make things whiter thinks Glenn Beck has gone too far.

Cash for Clunkers ended today, but they’re coming out with a new Cash for Clunkers program that will give consumers a rebate when they trade-in old home appliances. This is great news for anyone who owns a Buick toaster oven.

Late Show with David Letterman

Very hot out today. Here’s how hot it is in New York City: The “fire-Dave” Rally was clothing optional.

It was so hot in Washington, D.C., they moved Abe Lincoln out and put him in the Reflecting Pool.

Mexico has now legalized drug possession. I’m sure glad the Taco Bell dog didn’t live long enough to see this.

Barack Obama and his family are taking a vacation on Martha’s Vineyard. One awkward moment: Obama was out on the beach and he ran into John McCain looking for coins with a metal detector.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Signs President Obama Needs a Vacation

10. Last week's radio address was 10 minutes of snoring
9. Switched from beer summits to tequila summits
8. Asked CIA director what we're doing about terrorist organization "Al-Pacino"
7. Staffers often find him on White House roof meowing like a kitty
6. Announced he's sending an elite military unit to kill Hitler
5. Lately, he's been fist-bumping staffers in the face
4. Asked for the number of Rush Limbaugh's OxyContin guy
3. Called Bush for advice on sneaking naps during intelligence briefings
2. Been babbling nonsense about government death panels — wait, that's a sign Sarah Palin needs a vacation
1. Barely has the energy to smoke
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

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Jimmy Kimmel Live

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Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

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