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Tuesday Aug 25 2009

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Rerun

Conan

It seems that the only news this week is that President Obama’s on vacation. He took five books with him on his vacation. Of course, President Bush always took five books on his vacation, but four of them were back-up copies of “Goodnight Moon.”

The White House is denying rumors that Obama has plans to play a round of golf with Tiger Woods. Although Obama is planning to ask Tiger Woods if the government can borrow 300 trillion dollars.

This week in New Zealand, a man who lost his wedding ring in the ocean found it in the water over a year later. The man says the most amazing thing about the story is that his wife fell for it.

North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il recently met with the CEO of Hyundai. Apparently, the story is, Hyundai wants to build cars in North Korea, while Kim wants to use their windshields as sunglasses.

Late Show with David Letterman

Whew. Hot in New York City. Hot in Washington, too. So hot, Joe Biden took a dip in the Reflecting Pool.

So hot, Dick Cheney replaced his pacemaker with an ice maker.

The Obamas are vacationing in Martha’s Vineyard. The Clintons are vacationing there, too. Today someone spotted Hillary out on the beach in a one-piece pantsuit.

Obama had to interrupt his vacation to announce the appointment of chairman of the Fed, Ben Bernanke. All he has to do now is pass a gender test and he’s in.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Least Popular Things

10. Blood-engorged ticks
9. Tank tops on fat guys
8. Anything ingrown
7. Glourious basterds
6. Mets season tickets
5. Gentlemen's club sushi
4. Goo
3. You know when you go to the Cheesecake Factory and they tell you it's like a 30-minute wait and they give you that thing that lights up and vibrates when your table is ready? That thing
2. Swine flu/paper cuts (tie)
1. Lame Top Ten Lists
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Rerun

Jimmy Kimmel Live

President Obama is vacationing at Martha’s Vineyard. It’s a good time for the president to slip away — the deficit is supposed to be much higher than people expected; the swine flu is ready to kill us all; and Regis is having a birthday party, which means fires and looting in New York.

Not everything is bad. The Cash for Clunkers program was a big success. The idea was if you have a gas guzzler you could get $4,500 for abandoning it on the White House lawn.

There’s another Cask for Clunkers program scheduled for six months from now: That’s when the Minnesota Vikings will try to trade Brett Favre.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Rerun

 
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