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Friday Apr 13 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

This is the 100th anniversary of the Titanic disaster. On its maiden voyage, it collided with an iceberg and sank into the ocean. But it still made it further than that North Korean rocket.

Yesterday, North Korea launched a big long-range missile. It was supposed to scare everybody. It exploded less than a minute after launching. In fact, leader Kim Jong Un was so mad, he went home, kicked his dog, and then ate it.

President Obama released his tax returns. It turns out he made $900,000 less in 2011 then he did in 2010. You know what that means? Even Obama is doing worse under President Obama.

In an interview, President Obama said he prefers Jay-Z to Kanye. Did you know Obama was a fan of hip-hop? In fact, he has his own rap nickname, Biggie Deficit.

Late Show with David Letterman

Today is Friday the 13th. You know what that means? Turn your clocks back.

Anybody been to Pizza Hut lately? You can get a pizza stuffed with hot dogs. They got the idea from sketches in an early Da Vinci notebook.

Newt Gingrich is up to his chins in debt.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It's a great day for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. They're officially engaged. I wonder if this means they're thinking of having kids.

Today in Australia they kicked off the World Atheist Convention. Atheists from around the world get together to congratulate themselves for figuring it all out.

Not such a great day for North Korea. Yesterday, they launched a top-secret new missile. It blasted off and flew about 90 seconds and then blew up. It fell apart faster than a Kardashian marriage.

That's what the North Koreans get for launching it on Friday the 13th. Why couldn't they have just waited until Saturday the 14th? Maybe the atheists told them not to worry about it.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Today is Friday the 13th. And if you don’t believe this day is bad luck — just ask North Korea how that rocket launch went.

This weekend is the launch of America’s first professional Ultimate Frisbee league. It’s the only sport where players get tested to make sure they use drugs.

It’s the launch of pro Ultimate Frisbee, starting with the Rhode Island Rampage playing the Connecticut Constitution — and ending with Walmart’s manager telling them to leave the parking lot.

Last night Newark Mayor Cory Booker rescued a woman trapped inside a burning house. Not to be outdone, Governor Chris Christie rescued a Tostito that fell in his artichoke dip.

 
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