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Tuesday Sep 01 2009

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Repeat

Conan

Historic day for gay couples. As of today, same-sex couples may now legally get married in Vermont. Finally, after years of waiting we’ll get to hear these words out of Vermont: “I now pronounce you, Ben and Jerry.”

A political group is urging Dick Cheney to run for president in 2012. It’s a political group known as the Democrats.

The healthcare debate is raging and yesterday John McCain spoke to nearly 100 doctors and nurses. It wasn’t a political meeting, it was McCain’s annual checkup.

Apple is expected to release the new iPod very soon – but they’re not saying when. Experts say the most likely release date for the new iPod is “exactly one day after you buy the current iPod.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Have you seen pictures of Bernie Madoff's beach house: It's Casa De Ponzi.

Former governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, is back in town and he's going to run for governor again. Yep, that's right. He says he wants to spend less time with his family.

You remember Eliot Spitzer. He's the one who pioneered the "cash for hookers" program.

Before he runs for governor, Spitzer is putting some feelers out. Isn't that what cost him his job?

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Letting Moammar Gadhafi Live With You

10. What does my lease say about harboring ruthless dictators?
9. Should I hide my weapons-grade plutonium?
8. Does my homeowners insurance cover a United States air strike?
7. Can I call him Daffy Gadhafi?
6. Will he take care of that neighbor who never returned my rake?
5. Is there any way this can end well?
4. Gadhafi? What is this, 1985?
3. For breakfast, does he prefer orange juice or Sunny Delight?
2. Will it be easier to get Mr. Roper's permission if I say Gadhafi is gay?
1. Do I have enough hummus?
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Rerun

Jimmy Kimmel Live

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Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

President Obama’s approval rating hit a low at 45 percent, mainly because of this healthcare fight. You can tell things are bad. Today Bo refused to go to the vet if he had to use the public option.

Health officials revealed that criminals in British jails actually have a better diet than patients in British hospitals. Of course, both of those groups are eating better than people in British restaurants.

The oldest dog in the world — a dachshund named Chanel — died last week at the age of 21. You could tell the dog was on borrowed time. By the end it was wearing suspenders and hosting a show on CNN.

This is exciting. Google will soon allow users to translate any web page into Yiddish. It makes reading the news a lot more fun: “Obama shlepped to North Korea where he shvitzed for a whole week.”

 
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