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Thursday Mar 22 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Here in America students get a whole week off for spring break. In China they get a bathroom break and then back to studying.

The candidates are choosing their Secret Service code names. Why do they tell us? You'd think that should be secret.

Mitt Romney picked "Javelin" as his Secret Service code name. Rick Santorum chose "Petris" because that's his grandfather's name. Barack Obama chose "Gas prices are not my fault."

At the White House this week, President Obama and the first lady hosted a St. Patrick's Day reception for the Irish prime minister. They had a bartender pouring green beer, which is about as close as the White House has come to creating green jobs so far.

Conan

Rerun.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Rerun.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The much-anticipated premiere of "The Hunger Games" was tonight at midnight. Down the block from us, thousands of fans were lined up for a midnight screening. I don't know if I would want to be in a line at 2:00 in the morning with people who feel compelled to see a movie about kids killing each other.

Why is it that in every movie about the future, the future is awful? Just once, I would like to see a movie about the future where everyone just hangs out at Applebee's, has a good time, and then flies home in jet packs.

March Madness started again today with the start of the round known as the Sweet 16. President Obama's bracket was in the top 2 percent of everyone who makes picks on Espn.com. I guess it helps when you can send the CIA in to scout the teams.

President Obama did this last year, too. Once again, he is out of touch with regular hard-working Americans who don't know how to bet on college basketball.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

There are reports that John Edwards visited a brothel here in New York while running for president and paid with campaign funds. Do you realize what this could do to his reputation? Absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing to that man's reputation.

A woman in Romania broke a world record by having a wedding dress with a train that stretched almost two miles. It was weird for the maid of honor. She was like — you probably look beautiful! "

A man in Oregon said his snow globes started a fire after he left them in the sun for too long. Fortunately, his wife wasn't injured because she left him when he started collecting snow globes.

 
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