Friday Mar 02 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

It seems a cat named Hank is running for the Senate in Virginia. You know the difference between a cat and politician? A cat doesn't pretend to care about you.

In a speech on Wall Street the other day, President Obama compared himself to Gandhi. Well, that makes sense. He's created a lot of jobs in India.

In a recent interview, President Obama said when he plays golf, he doesn't want or expect people to give him a pass on any shots. He just hopes people will give him a mulligan in November.

Japanese researchers have invented a speech-jamming gun that can silence people from 30 meters away. You fire this at them, and they can stop talking. It makes people speechless. We should try this on Rush Limbaugh.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver were seen shopping together. Apparently she said she wanted something Swedish made and Arnold was like, "Swedish maid?"

There is an HBO movie coming out about the 2008 presidential election. Apparently John McCain is very unhappy with the way he was portrayed. He said he came across as a clueless and angry man. No one had the heart to tell him he was watching the toaster.

Some children's books should never be made into movies. They made "Curious George" a few years ago and the monkey was always causing trouble for his owner. I'm watching that and wondering why the man in the yellow hat doesn't just kill the monkey.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Republican Senator Orrin Hatch accused President Obama of pandering to the hipster wing of the Democratic Party. It's pretty shocking — not that he said that, just that Orrin Hatch knows what a hipster is.

This week, a 95-year-old woman married a 98-year-old man to become the world’s oldest newlyweds. They’re registered at Bed, Sponge Bath and Beyond.

On their wedding night, the sign on their door just said, "This is disturbing.”

Kim Kardashian is being sued for $5 million for endorsing a diet pill that doesn’t work. That's weird — if there's anyone who's perfect to represent "not working," it's Kim Kardashian.

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