Friday Feb 10 2012

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

President Obama is backing down and will not require religious institutions to cover birth control for their employees. He flip-flopped. You know what that means? Mitt Romney may be qualified to be president.

Things are not looking good for Romney. His popularity has really dropped. Right now he's running behind Syrian President Assad.

Have you noticed Romney doesn't even blow dry his hair anymore? He dries naturally from Rick Santorum breathing down his neck.

According to geologists, about 100 million years from now, Asia and the Americas will smash together to form one giant supercontinent. The good news: Maybe all those jobs that went over there will finally come back.

Late Show with David Letterman

I love the Grammys. It has songs I don't know performed by people I've never heard of.

One time Lady Gaga showed up wearing a dress made of meat. One time she showed up in a giant egg. One time she showed up strapped to the top of Mitt Romney's car.

Kids are interested in science, and that's really our future because let's face it, we've screwed the planet up irreparably.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Ways To Describe Gravy

What takes mashed potatoes from drab to fab!
Heavenly brown goo
What Chris Christie pours on his cereal
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

There are a bunch of movies opening. So many that I might be overwhelmed and spend the whole weekend on the couch eating ice cream.

The 3-D effects in “Star Wars” are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet.

Even though Rachel McAdams is Canadian, she reminds me of a young Julia Roberts. Minus the third row of teeth.

Jimmy Kimmel Live


Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Rick Santorum is being criticized for saying women might not be suited for military combat because of their emotions. Yeah, Mitt Romney was like, “That comment is unacceptable — also, what are emotions?”

Donald Trump is criticizing the Scottish government for trying to build a wind farm near his golf resort. That makes sense — I mean, if you look at Trump’s hair, wind is clearly his worst enemy.

A new study found that students who are taught abstinence end up with better math scores. Of course, if you join the math team, the abstinence takes care of itself.

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