Wednesday Dec 07 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Here in Los Angeles, it was so cold that Christmas shoppers here at the Wal-Mart pepper sprayed each other just to feel the burn.

Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich sentenced to 14 years in prison. This is the most disgraceful thing to happen to an Illinois governor since their last governor.

According to reports, one of Moammar Gadhafi’s sons had an elaborate plan to sneak into Mexico. Authorities broke up the plan before it took place. Believe me, if there's one thing Mexico will not stand for, it’s people sneaking over their border.

There was an embarrassing moment for Rick Perry. He announced that it was the anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Jam.


There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?

India has suspended its plans to let a Wal-Mart open in its country. The prime minister's exact words were “India will make your crappy clothes, but we won't buy them.”

Someone hacked into Facebook and leaked Mark Zuckerberg's private photos. When Zuckerberg realized someone had showed a blatant disregard for his privacy, he hired them.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rod Blagojevich is going away for 14 Years in prison. His barber got the death penalty.

Newt Gingrich did not make it on the Most Fascinating People list. He made it on another list of 2011 though: Most Fascinating Newts.

Mitt Romney now says the gloves are coming off. And then Ron Paul said, "And my teeth are coming out.”

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Messages Left On Rod Blagojevich's Answering Machine

Hey, it's Conrad Murray. 14 years? I didn't get that for murder
This is your hairstylist. Make sure to condition after each delousing
Do you want the cell closer to the espresso machine or Jacuzzi?
Congratulations, I hear you're going to Vail. Wait, never mind
Hey, it's your cell mate. Do you like the top or bottom?
Sorry, I must have the wrong number. I was trying to reach Todd Blagojevich
Hey, it's Dave. Tonight's Top Ten List is about you. Nice work
It's 2011, why do you still have an answering machine?
This is President Obama. I'm granting you a full pardon. Nah, I'm just screwing with you
It's the warden. The inmates are asking how much you want for your seat
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

The former governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich got 14 Years in prison. He will probably get time off for good hair.

To give you an idea how long that is, take Kim Kardashian's marriage and add 14 years.

He was convicted of trying to sell Barack Obama's vacant senate seat. If he had waited a few years, he could probably sell it back to Barack Obama.

Alec Baldwin was kicked off an American Airlines flight yesterday. The good news is, it freed up three seats for standby passengers.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The Library of Congress has partnered with Twitter to store every tweet ever posted in their archive of historical documents. So, this is what Congress is doing?

The Library of Congress is home to some of the most important documents in history including the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and now it will so include tweets from Gretchen44, who likes strawberry balsamic vinegar on her salad.

I play a fun drinking game while “Jersey Shore” is on. Every time I'm filled with despair for humanity, I drink.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is hosting a debate in Iowa, but so far Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum are the only presidential candidates to RSVP. Rick Santorum actually requested a plus one — you know, so he could bring all of his supporters.

This week, a designer in New York unveiled a bottle of perfume that costs $1 million. Yeah, a million bucks for a few ounces of liquid. Which explains its name: “Starbucks.”

Dr. Phil just revealed that he helped perform his own vasectomy 30 years ago. In related news, never make small talk in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

This month marks the 19th anniversary of the text message. Man, I can’t believe that 20 years ago, we didn’t have the ability to write someone and let them know, “Hey, just called you.”

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