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Friday Dec 02 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

High winds have been pummeling California for the last two days. It was so windy, all the women in Beverly Hills looked like Nancy Pelosi.

The good news is, the unemployment rate has dropped to 8.6 percent. The bad news is, most of those require a sack, a red suit, and a beard.

President Obama met with leaders of all the American Indian tribes. He promised to help tackle the challenges facing the Native American communities — like card counting.

I think Herman Cain is getting a little desperate. He said if his wife forgives him, he'll throw in free bread sticks, buffalo wings and a 2-liter of Pepsi.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Here in Los Angeles, we're getting a Harry Potter theme park. I don’t know how excited I can pretend to be. I’m a middle-aged dude.

Herman Cain is scheduled to make a big announcement tomorrow. He says if his wife wants him to quit the race, he will quit the race. However, his wife’s vote can be overruled by a simple majority of his mistresses.

"Americas Most Wanted" used to be on FOX, but it was canceled because executives at FOX realized the show actually helped people.

FOX shows are usually just loud cartoon characters making fools of themselves. You know, like Homer Simpson, Family Guy, Simon Cowell.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

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Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

In a new interview, it’s revealed that Mitt Romney loves chocolate milk. While Rick Perry prefers milk like his poll numbers: 2 percent.

The Senate is doing its first-ever Secret Santa gift exchange this year. Yeah, there’s a $10 spending limit, but they plan to go $14 trillion over budget.

A police officer in Florida could lose her job after she tried to cast a spell on her boss. Yeah, when asked for comment, her boss was like, “Ribbit.”

A new study found that Gmail users have the best credit, while people with Yahoo and Hotmail accounts have the worst credit. Or as people with AOL put it, “What's credit?”

 
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