JokesPageHeader
     
Friday Nov 11 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

A huge 74-foot tall spruce is the new Christmas tree at NBC's Rockefeller Center. And in typical NBC fashion, the tree will be decorated, lit up for a few weeks, and then canceled.

A new poll shows 45 percent of Republicans believe that Mitt Romney will be the nominee, and that rises to 46 percent if you count Rick Perry, who also believes Mitt Romney will be the nominee.

Rick Perry also said the other night he wants to get rid of the Department of Education. Well, that's the problem with kids in America today. They're just too educated.

A guy named Reggie Love leaving the White House to get a degree at the Wharton School of Business. I guess he realized you can't learn anything about economics in the Obama White House.

Late Show with David Letterman

It was so quiet in the theater last night. I'm telling you it was quieter here than dinner at Herman Cain's house.

As if Cain’s troubles couldn't get worse, today, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie accused Herman Cain of skimping on the pepperoni.

Eddie Murphy, who was supposed to be the host of the Academy Awards, has dropped out. Boy, I wish I had thought of that when I hosted.

When Eddie Murphy pulled out, they were stunned. They were shocked. I mean, you couldn't tell by looking at them because of the Botox, but they were stunned and shocked.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Things

10
Lumber
9
Cheech
8
Dry hacking cough
7
Eddie Money
6
Chumlee from "Pawn Stars"
5
Tommy John surgery
4
Phlegm/Bile (tie)
3
Don "The Snake" Prudhomme
2
The 2012 Ford Fusion
1
Clams
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

The Italian prime minister announced he is stepping down. He's looking forward to spending more time with his wife and five hookers.

Mitt Romney said this week if he's elected, he won't let Iran get nuclear weapons. Other Republicans were quick to respond. Newt Gingrich said it would be impossible to enforce. Ron Paul said it's none of our business. And Rick Perry said, “ . . . “

Today's date is number 11 repeated three times. What's that called when something's repeated over and over again? Oh, yeah, this show.

Everyone knows the world is ending in 2012. That's what the Mayans said except they didn't say that. All they said was their calendar would run out I 2012. I don't see what the big deal is about that. When my "sexy fireman" calendar runs out, I just buy a new one.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Rerun

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Today’s date is 11/11/11! Or as Joe Biden calls that, “A great email password!”

Today is 11/11/11! A date so simple, even Rick Perry can remember it.

Yesterday, a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters interrupted Michele Bachmann’s speech in South Carolina. In response, Bachmann’s supporters were like, “Man, if we existed, we’d be so angry right now!”

On “Jeopardy” this week, Alex Trebek dressed up in a woman’s opera costumes to give clues. Yeah, contestants were like, “I’ll take ‘This Is Making Me Uncomfortable’ for 500, Alex.”

 
Email:
 
Retype Email:
 
Country:
 
Zip Code:
Your e-mail address and personal information is confidential as stated in our Privacy Policy.
 

Newsmax, Moneynews, and Independent. American. are registered trademarks of Newsmax Media, Inc. Newsmax TV, NewsmaxWorld, NewsmaxHealth, are trademarks of Newsmax Media, Inc.

 
NEWSMAX.COM
America's News Page
©  Newsmax Media, Inc.
All Rights Reserved