JokesPageHeader
     
Friday Sep 18 2009

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Democratic Sen. Max Baucus has introduced his healthcare plan. It would be mandatory for everyone to get health insurance. They would fine people who didn’t get it, and If you don’t pay the fine, you could go to jail. The good news is, once you’re in jail — free healthcare!

Today is the 150 anniversary of The New York Times. The sad thing is, I read about it online.

Recently, they were interviewing Afghanistan farmers who grow poppy seeds. One farmer said that he knows heroin is bad and that it kills people, but if he didn’t grow poppy his family would starve. Hey, here’s an idea — you’re a farmer, try growing some food.

Some sad news: Hugh Hefner has filed for divorce. Who could have seen that coming?

Conan

This is the first day of the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashana. Or as it’s known at the O’Brien house, Friday.

Former President Clinton is sponsoring a conference called the “Clinton Global Initiative,” and it’s going to be attended by Alicia Keys, Demi Moore, Mira Sorvino, and supermodel Molly Sims. Apparently he’s calling it “The Clinton Global Initiative” because it sounds better than “The Bill Clinton Dream Five-Way.”

This Sunday, President Obama will appear on five different television shows. Even more amazing — in all five shows he plays “the wacky neighbor.”

Parents’ groups are complaining that TV broadcasts of baseball games are filled with ads for erectile dysfunction drugs. In other words, things are so turned around these days that now we delay baseball by thinking about sex.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Rerun

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Rerun

Jimmy Kimmel Live

They’re holding the Values Voter Summit in Washington D.C. This is a gathering of conservative activists who get together and talk about values and politics . . . then, at night, they take hookers up to their hotel rooms.

The president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sat down with Ann Curry for an Interview on the “Today” show. It was his first interview since he won the election he rigged in June.

She asked him what he wanted above all else from the United States. His reply? “I want an iPhone; I want a date with Megan Fox, and I want a cameo on ‘Gossip Girls.’”

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Rerun

 
Email:
 
Retype Email:
 
Country:
 
Zip Code:
Your e-mail address and personal information is confidential as stated in our Privacy Policy.
 
Around the Web
Top Stories

Newsmax, Moneynews, Newsmax Health, and Independent. American. are registered trademarks of Newsmax Media, Inc. Newsmax TV, and Newsmax World are trademarks of Newsmax Media, Inc.

 
NEWSMAX.COM
America's News Page
©  Newsmax Media, Inc.
All Rights Reserved