Monday Oct 03 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Amanda Knox has been set free by an Italian jury. After having the “Jersey Shore” kids over there, they didn’t think she was so bad.

That terrorist Anwar al-Awlaki, who was killed last week, was American-born and was a top recruiter for al-Qaida. You don’t often see an American taking a foreigner’s job.

They’re calling al-Awlaki the most hated American since Jon Gosselin.

Last night was Andy Rooney’s final broadcast. Now the crankiest guy on CBS is Letterman.



Late Show with David Letterman

Amanda Knox has been acquitted. She got a congratulatory phone call from O.J.

Four years in an Italian prison — it sounds bad, but it includes a salad and bread sticks.

Special Forces killed the editor of al-Qaida’s magazine. So your delivery may be a little late this month.

Before this guy worked for al-Qaida’s magazine, he worked for “Carbomb and Driver.”

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Thoughts That Went Through Amanda Knox's Mind When The Verdict Was Read

"Mama mia, that's a spicy verdict"
"If there's time, I'd still like to see the Coliseum"
"Can I keep my Versace prison jumpsuit?"
"Four years in an Italian prison, this is the last time I book through Priceline"
"Who's Justin Bieber?"
"I want to go hiking in Iran"
"I can't believe I've gone four years without a Pop Tart"
"Does time served in Italian jail count towards my degree?"
"I wonder how Conan is doing on 'The Tonight Show'"
"If Michele O'Bachmann becomes President, I'm moving back to Italy"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It’s the third week of the Wall Street protests and they’ve closed down an entire Manhattan street. And then, the cops asked Michael Moore to move.

Happy anniversary to President Obama and the first lady. They had a nice private dinner to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the last time someone said “yes” to an Obama proposal.

I don’t know much about the Supreme Court. If it’s anything like the Supreme Taco, it’s like a regular court, but with extra sour cream.

There are nine Supreme Court members and nine people on a baseball team. Coincidence? Yes.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Did you know Andy Rooney’s eyebrows have not been plucked since 1934?

More than 700 protestors were arrested over the weekend for blocking traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. They say the best way to fight corporate greed is to make random people sit in traffic while they’re trying to visit their aunt in Brooklyn.

Herman Cain said that as president, he will bring Republicans and Democrats together. He was the guy that brought pineapple and ham together on a pizza, so it wouldn’t be surprising.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Hey, congratulations to the Obamas, who are celebrating their 19th wedding anniversary today. They were going to go out to dinner, but they couldn’t find a sitter for Biden.

Actually, President Obama did take Michelle out to a lovely dinner on Saturday. It was a little awkward, though. When the bill came, Obama just put it on the tab of the Chinese couple sitting next to them.

Citibank will soon charge $15 a month for checking accounts with less than $6,000. Finally, someone’s sticking it to those people with less than $6,000!

In a new interview, Michele Bachmann said that quote, “China has blinded U.S. satellites with their lasers.” Which explains Michele Bachmann’s new campaign adviser: Gary Busey.

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