Monday Sep 12 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The Republican debate was up against Monday night football. It was like NFL vs. LOL.

I was asked to join a fantasy football team, but I don’t have the time. I’m too busy with my fantasy “Toddlers & Tiaras” team.

Mitt Romney said that President Obama, does not understand that the president doesn’t create jobs. Then Romney went on to explain his plan to create jobs once he’s elected president.

Since Rick Perry has been governor of Texas, 234 criminals have been executed. That’s the difference between Texas and California: In California, those criminals would have been given tryouts for the Raiders.


President Obama described himself as an eternal optimist. He then explained that he’s the kind of person that sees the country as “half employed.”

A man wearing an Obama mask robbed a bank. Either that or Obama has an exciting new plan to reduce the deficit.

Tim Pawlenty endorsed Mitt Romney, calling him a “bedrock conservative.” When he heard this, John McCain said, “I grew up in Bedrock, and I don’t remember seeing him.”

It’s being reported that Rick Perry met his wife when they were in elementary school. There was another boy that liked her too but Perry had him executed.

Late Show with David Letterman


The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson


Jimmy Kimmel Live

If the tea party really loved America, they wouldn’t have scheduled their debate against the opening night of football, specifically against the Patriots.

It was quite a night. Rick Santorum won the swimsuit contest.

It was the final episode of “Kate Plus Eight.” Now, if you want to hear Kate Gosselin scream at her children, you’ll have to move within a 12-block radius of her house.

I traveled during the weekend of 9/11 and there was extra security. Not only did I have to take my shoes off, I had to take my feet off too.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

According to a new poll, only 55 percent of Americans think President Obama is intelligent. Yeah, that may not sound impressive, but it’s up 55 percent over the last president.

A new study found that a mother’s diet affects her baby’s allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats.

A new study found that in the last 30 years, the average home size has increased by 600 square feet. Which is fitting, since in the last 30 years, the average person size has increased by 600 square feet.

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