Thursday Sep 01 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The White House agreed to move President Obama’s speech from Wednesday to Thursday because the Republicans have a debate scheduled for Wednesday. So the debate that no one is going to watch holds more weight than the speech no one is going to believe.

Obama caved again when “Real Housewives of New Jersey” called and said, “Our show is on at that time.”

Dick Cheney’s book is an inside look at what it’s like to be president — uh, vice president.



Late Show with David Letterman

President Obama’s uncle was arrested for a DUI. His alcohol level was actually higher than Obama’s approval rating.

Obama’s approval rating is 38 percent. I’d kill for numbers like that.

Next week, Obama will unveil his new jobs bill. I’m sure that will sail right through.

Labor Day is when we celebrate our workforce. Do we still have a workforce?

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten President Obama Labor Day Weekend Plans

Unwind after his two-week vacation
A backyard barbecue with the guy who forged his birth certificate
Flip through Gadhafi's sexy photos of Condi
Resist cigarette cravings by chewing on charcoal briquettes
Hire goons to rough up Mitt Romney
Grill up some of Michelle's delicious kale paste
Update his resume
Hillbilly Handfishin'
Pretty much whatever the Republicans tell him he can do
Sit around bonfire reading scary passages from Dick Cheney's memoir
Jimmy Kimmel Live


Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

After pressure from Republicans, President Obama moved his big jobs speech from Wednesday to Thursday night. Obama gave in when he realized something important: He could just TiVo “Jersey Shore.”

President Obama has declared that September is National Childhood Obesity Awareness Month. And if you’re looking for a way to celebrate, I recommend the “Mac n’ Cheese Big Daddy Patty” from Denny’s.

A new survey found that half of all American employees have faked a sick day. While the other half have just lied on a survey.

A new study found that thin people have an extra copy of certain genes. Meanwhile, fat people have an extra copy of the Denny’s takeout menu.

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